Shytte Orthopaedic fans call for manager to quit after abject defeat
Fans of local side Shytte Orthopaedic have called for manager Frankie Acapella to step down after a humiliating defeat in a pre-season friendly against Bayer Arschloch of Germany. Acapella, who is thought to earn a three-figure salary, has resisted calls to resign, but a string of abject performances has left fans furious.
ITV viewers “can’t hear Vuvuzelas because of commentators’ cliches”
ITV viewers have complained in their droves that they are unable to hear the sound of the South African Vuvuzelas for the sound of cliches dropping like stones from the commentators' mouths. Clive Tyldesley has come in for heavy criticism after it was revealed that he only communicates in cliche and hyperbole, even when the...
North Korea celebrates “great victory” over Brazil
North Korea has celebrated its victory over Brazil with parties long into the night, and crowds lining the streets to proclaim Kim Jong Il as the "greatest ever leader ever in the history of the world". The World Cup minnows "beat" Brazil last night 4-0 in one of the greatest "upsets" ever seen.
Ledley King to be taken apart and rebuilt after every game
England physios have revealed that defender Ledley King is to be "taken apart" and rebuilt after every game in the tournament. The fragile Spurs and England defender will be deconstructed, and each body part will be kept in safe keeping by highly paid security agents.
Disaster as many will be left without HD coverage of World Cup
Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of families, will be left without HD coverage of this year's World Cup, according to a report published by Sky TV and charity the HD Foundation. In what is known as "HD Hardship", or "High Definition Poverty", families around the UK will be forced to watch the tournament on...
Voice of Vorderman: Steven Gerrard having sex makes me sick