Louise Mensch provokes question: can Tories be hotties?
Yeah it’s disgusting and all that. Some naughty people have said naughty things on this Twitter thing, and it’s bad. Cue outrage and wotnot. The abuse directed at women is always sexual or violent. No it’s not. I tend to abuse women for being stupid, or not knowing how to drive, or for having silly...
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
William Hague further endangered relations with India today by appointing himself Lord Viceroy of India, Preserver of the Taj Mahal, First Marquess Hague of Madras and Imbiber of Kingfisher, much to the ire of the locals. Hague, who remains unaware of the loss of the Empire, said that he would be "touring the colonies" to...
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
A Tory MP was today accused of letting voters down after being found in what has been described as a "horrific state of sobriety". Cuthbert von Rochester, MP for Thrush-on-Cheeks, told reporters that he was "absolutely 100% sorry" for his error.
Senior Tories “bullying their Lib Dem fags”
Cracks are already appearing in the fragile Lib-Con coalition, with some Liberal Democrat figures reporting anonymously that they have been "bullied" by senior Tories.
Mumsnet evacuated after Tory alert
Hundreds of middle-class mothers were evacuated from renegade website Mumsnet last night after warnings that senior Tories were on the site. In the first sign of a Tory offensive against Mumsnet, fears of oil slicks and "slippery patches" caused by greasy politicians on the website prompted the site's founder to sound the alarm, and rescue...
Cameron unveils leaflet on “how to lose your Tory virginity”
The Tory party has unveiled the latest phase in its plan to entice first-time Tory voters with a pamphlet designed to help them "lose their Tory virginity". Critics have labelled the campaign "demeaning" and "slightly paedo-predatory", saying that "David Cameron looks like an oily elderly uncle trying to take his nieces and nephews to a...
Parents worry as boy displays Conservative tendencies
The parents of a Norfolk child who is expressing Conservative tendencies have expressed alarm. "He's turning alarmingly free market", said mother Ida Cackbeans. "Which is worrying, as he's only 4 and has a vocabulary of just over 150 words."
Mumsnet declares independence from Internet
Tearaway website Mumsnet has declared independence from the rest of the Internet. In a move that is bound to shock the rest of the web, the renegade site for mothers has published a statement saying that "everyone else can go suck themselves".
David Cameron rebrands Conservatives “The Cameron Party”
Fresh from controversy over claims that the Conservative Party are still a bunch of evil baby-stealing bastards, David Cameron has gone even further in distancing himself from the party’s history by renaming the party the Cameron Party.
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