Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Terrorist organisation Al-Qaeda has announced that 2,000 jobs are to go, mostly in its Western Europe Terrorism Division. The cut-backs, announced yesterday, are part of a scheme to streamline Al-Qaeda’s operations and help it maintain its position as the world’s “number one terrorist network”.
Cats have joined forces to encourage people to stop using the word “pussy” as it has negative connotations for the feline world. “Actually, we’re quite tough”, said Mr Tiddles, spokesman for FUDGE, the Feline Understanding Democratic Group of Europe.
Senior terrorists have claimed that the worsening situation in Yemen is “making it really difficult to find cheap tickets”. Budget airlines are now hiking up their prices, meaning that the burgeoning terrorist industry is forced to seek other means of transport.
Al-Qaeda officials have raised the terror level threat in Great Britain to “thinking about it”, causing junior terrorists to fly into a panic. The level was raised after Mustafa Jihad, Al-Qaeda’s Chief Financial Officer, declared that the organisation would be “looking at diversifying into new terrorist avenues”.
Al-Qaeda has launched a glitzy new campaign designed to promote its range of “hostage holidays”. At a gala soiree, the terrorist organisation unveiled its new TV advert, brochures and DVDs targeting the “busy infidel”. The new range of hostage holidays represents a break from Al-Qaeda tradition. The brochure proclaims “sun, sea or sand”, and a remarkably relaxing getaway for anyone who wants to hostage with Al-Qaeda. With resorts in Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia, the terrorist network aims to be the global leader in hostage getaways.
A group of Anglican extremists have attacked Cackwater shopping centre in Gutborough. There are no casualties, although several people are reported to be “quite confused”.
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