Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Randy South African President Jacob Zuma has failed in an attempt to impregnate the Queen, despite being egged on by Prince Phillip. “Go on, give her a go”, roared the Queen’s husband, bottle of gin in one hand, cigar in the other. The Queen, however, was stoic, refusing to become the South African President’s eightieth wife.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy has announced that the wearing of bow ties in public spaces is to be banned. The Loi Papillon comes into force immediately with a fine of £700 for anyone caught wearing a bow tie in public, except for public carnivals and fetes nationals. Fines, however, would be doubled for wives who force their husbands or sons to wear bow ties in public.
Correction: Nick Clegg actually does eat babies
Nigeria’s Scammies Awards pay tribute to hard work and innovation
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
Cameron condemns creator of Siobhan O’Dowd Facebook tribute page
Orange marches to include freestyle section from 2011
Polar bears exaggerating claims of global warming
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
