Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
The Labour Party has announced that it will decide on its future drinks choice by June 2011. The “Beverage For a Socialist Future” report lays out a clear path for the Party’s choice between tea and coffee, while outlining potential alternatives for those still unsure.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal that the general election will be determined by a horse race and not by voters in polling stations. Our source at the Electoral Commission confirmed that just three horses will be allowed to compete in the election race on 6 May.
Downing Street insiders have revealed that Labour’s five election pledges were written hastily in a taxi on the way to the press conference because Gordon Brown “fell asleep in front of the TV”, and forgot to finish them. Despite promising colleagues that he was on the verge of “something brilliant”, the pledges were written during the ten-minute drive to the conference centre.
Gordon Brown has admitted to taking the Scottish drink Buckfast when he was a teenager, but underlined “I most definitely did not swallow.” The Prime Minister came under intense interrogation during PM’s Questions over his dalliance with the beverage that has been linked with wife-beating, paedophilia, arson and genocide.
Tearaway website Mumsnet has declared independence from the rest of the Internet. In a move that is bound to shock the rest of the web, the renegade site for mothers has published a statement saying that “everyone else can go suck themselves”.
Gordon Brown has promised to sacrifice former Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon on Hampstead Heath if the Labour government wins re-election in the forthcoming general election. Hoon, who is reportedly “uneasy” with the plans, will be sacrificed on the summer solstice, with a paying audience selected by ballot.
Correction: Nick Clegg actually does eat babies
Nigeria’s Scammies Awards pay tribute to hard work and innovation
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
Cameron condemns creator of Siobhan O’Dowd Facebook tribute page
Orange marches to include freestyle section from 2011
Polar bears exaggerating claims of global warming
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
