Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
God today launched a glitzy marketing campaign to rebrand the humble, yet unpopular Brussel Sprout as the “Fun Sprout”. The campaign, managed by advertising agency Saatchi and Saatchi, will involve a number of miracles and visions taking place in holy locations, as well as some more straightforward magazine and TV advertising.
Anglican extremists today stepped up their campaign of terror by unleashing a computer virus that infects the computers of Windows users. The worm, which is described as “mildly irksome” by computer experts, causes systems to flash up messages such as “follow the path of God or I shall give you a mild scolding”.
Jesus has finally got round to responding to the Beatles’ famous jibe that they are bigger than him. Last night, the Messiah tweeted: “@theBeatles: no you are bloody not”.
Residents of Heaven have voiced concerns over the growing trend for commercial sponsorship in the Kingdom of God. Archangel Gabriel told the Daily Shame that “paradise is beginning to lose its soul”.
Correction: Nick Clegg actually does eat babies
Nigeria’s Scammies Awards pay tribute to hard work and innovation
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
Cameron condemns creator of Siobhan O’Dowd Facebook tribute page
Orange marches to include freestyle section from 2011
Polar bears exaggerating claims of global warming
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
