To insiders at 10 Downing Street, it was meant to be a harmless joke; a jolly jape that would amuse the Japanese ambassador and his guests. To Lord Mandelson, it was an opportunity to demonstrate his ‘comedy’ side, rarely seen beyond the walls of Whitehall. To the ambassador himself, however, the “coffin stunt” was a personal affront, and one that may seriously damage relations between Great Britain and Japan.
April 3, 2010 | Posted in
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Newspapers have seen secret government plans to extend the month of April in order to postpone the looming general Election. Labour’s position in the opinion polls has been improving of late and the move is seen as an attempt to build momentum prior to polling day.
March 30, 2010 | Posted in
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Downing Street insiders have revealed that Labour’s five election pledges were written hastily in a taxi on the way to the press conference because Gordon Brown “fell asleep in front of the TV”, and forgot to finish them. Despite promising colleagues that he was on the verge of “something brilliant”, the pledges were written during the ten-minute drive to the conference centre.
March 27, 2010 | Posted in
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The National Association of Bullies (NAB) has spoken out in defence of beleaguered PM Gordon Brown. The Prime Minister has been at the centre of a row over bullying at 10 Downing Street, with a number of harassed employees calling in to a national bullying helpline.
February 23, 2010 | Posted in
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The British government is reportedly fuming at revelations that Mossad agents have been using fake British passports to buy booze. The alcohol purchased using the fake ID was apparently used in a “massive binge drinking” session.
February 20, 2010 | Posted in
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The British Tourist Board proudly announced today, that it was launching an all inclusive holiday package designed for people who wanted to die. Britain has traditionally disapproved of suicide or assisted deaths, but now appears more relaxed as it unveiled “Euthanasia UK”.
February 15, 2010 | Posted in
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Senior politicians have layed into the Northern Ireland cake-sharing deal saying that it is “myopic at best” and “leaves all the good bits to the wrong people”. The cake, which was shared this morning after a long, protracted and bitter dispute, has gone rather stale and critics of the deal have been calling for a “fresh cake” that everyone can benefit from.
February 5, 2010 | Posted in
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As the Goldilocks burglary case entered its fifth day in the High Court, David Cameron waded into the ongoing row by claiming that a Conservative government would “come down hard” on criminals like “that blonde-headed cat burglar”, Goldilocks.
January 26, 2010 | Posted in
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Gordon Brown has admitted to taking the Scottish drink Buckfast when he was a teenager, but underlined “I most definitely did not swallow.” The Prime Minister came under intense interrogation during PM’s Questions over his dalliance with the beverage that has been linked with wife-beating, paedophilia, arson and genocide.
January 19, 2010 | Posted in
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Tearaway website Mumsnet has declared independence from the rest of the Internet. In a move that is bound to shock the rest of the web, the renegade site for mothers has published a statement saying that “everyone else can go suck themselves”.
January 17, 2010 | Posted in
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