Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Gordon Brown is seeking to resign as Prime Minister, but even the Queen does not want to talk to him, and has told sources at Buckingham Palace that “if that Scotsman calls, tell him I’m in Kenya or something. Anything so long as I don’t have to talk to him.” The monarch has even turned her mobile phone off, and has been avoiding the news for days.
Soon not-to-be PM Gordon Brown has demanded an inquiry into problems at Vodafone after what appeared to be ‘network problems’ occurred all throughout the weekend, meaning Brown received no phone calls whatsoever. Indeed, Brown says the problems started on Friday morning, and have since not been resolved.
David Cameron has saluted Britain’s swing to “meh” politics by not particularly choosing one party or the other. Hailing it as a victory for non-committal politics, the potential Prime Minister said it was a “momentously middling” moment in UK politics.
In an unprecedented situation, all three leaders have been declared winners of Thursday night’s election debate. The move comes as part of Labour’s initiative to extend the classroom “everyone’s a winner” attitude into politics.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal that the general election will be determined by a horse race and not by voters in polling stations. Our source at the Electoral Commission confirmed that just three horses will be allowed to compete in the election race on 6 May.
Britain’s bigots have blasted an elderly bigot for “not being bigoted enough” when speaking to Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The elderly woman apparently showed “promising signs of bigotry”, according to the British Bigots Association (BBA), but “not enough”.
A furious Gordon Brown has layed into his female colleagues for not falling pregnant in time for the election. Shocked female MPs were left speechless by a foul-mouthed tirade from the Prime Minister, who allegedly told them to “get up the duff double quick or f-ck off out of my sight.”
Millions of Britons have endured their first weekend in their own country for months, with many claiming that they have been “driven mad” by the total absence of cheap flights and lack of short break activities. The continuing volcanic ash forced frequent travellers to experience Britain first-hand.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal what Gordon Brown was writing while David Cameron and Nick Clegg were speaking during the election debates.
Gordon Brown today attempted to revive Labour’s chances of winning seats from the SNP in Scotland by unveiling an ambitious project to deep-fry the remote island of Skaaagh. The island, which has a population of just 3, will be coated in batter and then submerged in oil until it goes a golden brown colour.
Correction: Nick Clegg actually does eat babies
Nigeria’s Scammies Awards pay tribute to hard work and innovation
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
Cameron condemns creator of Siobhan O’Dowd Facebook tribute page
Orange marches to include freestyle section from 2011
Polar bears exaggerating claims of global warming
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
