Rammstein fan Alice Kreuzfeld-Smith said “When Till Lindemann shimmied down a rope holding a sparkler – that actually went out halfway down the rope – I thought to myself… ‘maybe they’ve made some cut-backs’, but I wasn’t prepared for what followed. Recession or no recession, I’ve got expectations for a Rammstein concert, and they don’t include a catherine wheel that fails to go off.”

As the show went on, the group’s usual pyrotechnics were scaled down significantly. At the end of their famous song “ich werde lieber ein loch in mein Kopf haben”, guitarist Paul Landers put his guitar down, walked to the edge of the stage, and proceeded to light some Swan Vesta matches one after the other, placing them carefully on a saucer to ensure that the fire didn’t spread..

“At least they were extra large,” he told reporters afterwards. “Management wanted us to cut down from Swan Vesta matches to those really tiny ones that just fall apart the minute you strike them. I mean – it’s a far cry from the days where I wore exploding pants and had to have my groin operated on after every gig – but Health & Safety regulations count for something too, you know. So we’re being practical, we’re being safe, and we’re saving money.”

“Perhaps”, he mused, “we’re just getting too old for all the chicanery and the trickery. And we’ve been told to stop all the strobing lights because they give Till a headache, and they could potentially cause epilepsy.”

Many fans were hoping to see Till set on fire, but were disappointed when he proceeded to play the band’s latest hit single Health und Safety ist toll (Health and Safety is smashing), a 10-minute industrial metal magnum opus dedicated to those who have suffered accidents in the workplace. The song’s lyrics, when translated, read: “watch that cup of coffee, you might get scalded, watch that trailing wire, you might trip and hurt yourself, watch that plug point, you might burn burn burn burn burn burn burn.”

NME journalist Baz Onions spoke of his bitter disappointment: “The least you expect is some kind of pyrotechnic amputation – all we got was a lecture on which exit to take at the end of the gig, a fire drill, and a monkey with a couple of cymbals. Frankly, I’ll be asking for my money back, credit crunch or no bloody credit crunch.”

Created thirty years ago by a young Helmut Kohl, the festivities are now a permanent fixture in the German calendar, with pranks and frivolity very much the order of the day.

“I woke up five minutes late today!” exclaimed a startled Berliner, Bernd Tost. “Not only that, but when I got dressed, I chose a red tie instead of my usual blue one. I know, I know, it’s a little radical, but this is the one day of the year we can have some fun without fear of reprisal. Then, when I was at work, I suddenly felt this great urge to have a double espresso. Everyone knows I only ever drink a single one and they were telling me not to – ‘Bernd, Bernd’ they were saying ‘you crazy fool’, but I was just so wild that day.”

Brigitte von Winkelmaus from Munich said that she had spent the day “replacing certain words with other words”: “It was just like in that Randoms advert,” she beamed. “Oh I had so much fun this year, I can’t wait until next year. I think I’m going to do something really mad like wear sunglasses if it’s cloudy! But I’ll really have to plan it.”

All over Germany, there are stories of people combing their hair in a different direction or wearing odd socks. Anthropologist Gunther Gettscha explained “it is very important for the German to cool off every now and again, ja? There is a great story – you’re really going to laugh when you hear this – of when the town of Bonn, three years ago, put its town clock forward by 2 minutes! This is just something so radically silly that you can only get away with on National Let Your Hair Down Day!”

However, some Germans refuse to play along. Alexandr Marktplatz from Dortmund told the Daily Shame: “I wear a bow tie every day of the year, and everyone thinks I am stupid. Then for 24 hours, everyone joins in and it’s some great hullaballoo. What’s the fun for the crazy German who lets his hair down every day of the year, huh?”