Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
The “closed” signs were put up at Charles de Gaulle airport this afternoon after the entire nation simultaneously went on strike at watered-down austerity plans that required them to work an extra five minutes, provisionally scheduled for February 2012.
Madcap French coach Raymond Domenech has revealed that his French side to face Uruguay in the World Cup this week was picked after an in-depth conversation with Hindu God Ganesha. The zany Indian God came to Domenech to warn him of the alignment his ascendent and Uranus, and the inherent dangers of picking Thierry Henry.
The village of Bisous-sur-Fesses in Normandy is today in shock after three people were killed and five more injured at the unveiling of a new cheese. The cheese, Chaussettes de Fesses, has officially been labelled the smelliest cheese in the world by the Institute de Fromages qui Puent, and has been quarantined until further notice.
Cross-channel relations are at an all-time low as Shytte-on-Sea mayor Winston Cumbersome tore up the twin town agreement between his town and the French village of Coquine-sur-Yvette. The discovery that Coquine had twinned itself with at least five other towns left Cumbersome in despair, with “no alternative” but to find a more “loyal” twin town for Shytte-on-Sea.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy has appealed for reason after Sunday night’s televised film ended without the death of a leading protagonist. The French nation is believed to be in a collective state of shock after the happy ending, which was judged by many to be “excessive” and “totally un-French.”
The dish: cold. The service: rude. The place: the Cafe des Connards, on the famed rue des Merdes in Paris, which claims to be the restaurant with the rudest waiters on earth, and le garcon has just told me to shit myself a new head.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy has announced that the wearing of bow ties in public spaces is to be banned. The Loi Papillon comes into force immediately with a fine of £700 for anyone caught wearing a bow tie in public, except for public carnivals and fetes nationals. Fines, however, would be doubled for wives who force their husbands or sons to wear bow ties in public.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
