Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
David Cameron has saluted Britain’s swing to “meh” politics by not particularly choosing one party or the other. Hailing it as a victory for non-committal politics, the potential Prime Minister said it was a “momentously middling” moment in UK politics.
Senior researchers at the Murdoch Institute of Truth (MIT) have discovered that Nick Clegg eats babies in a satanic ritual as old as time itself. The Liberal Democrat leader, whose bounce in the polls is “nothing”, according to MIT, also runs grannies over in his car, and stuffs money up his own arse.
An election-weary public received some good news last night as the record-breaking high cost of fuel has meant that the battle buses of all three major parties in the forthcoming UK general election have been suspended.
Newspapers have seen secret government plans to extend the month of April in order to postpone the looming general Election. Labour’s position in the opinion polls has been improving of late and the move is seen as an attempt to build momentum prior to polling day.
Gordon Brown has promised to sacrifice former Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon on Hampstead Heath if the Labour government wins re-election in the forthcoming general election. Hoon, who is reportedly “uneasy” with the plans, will be sacrificed on the summer solstice, with a paying audience selected by ballot.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
