Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
An election-weary public received some good news last night as the record-breaking high cost of fuel has meant that the battle buses of all three major parties in the forthcoming UK general election have been suspended.
The Tory party has unveiled the latest phase in its plan to entice first-time Tory voters with a pamphlet designed to help them “lose their Tory virginity”. Critics have labelled the campaign “demeaning” and “slightly paedo-predatory”, saying that “David Cameron looks like an oily elderly uncle trying to take his nieces and nephews to a brothel.”
As the Goldilocks burglary case entered its fifth day in the High Court, David Cameron waded into the ongoing row by claiming that a Conservative government would “come down hard” on criminals like “that blonde-headed cat burglar”, Goldilocks.
Gordon Brown has admitted to taking the Scottish drink Buckfast when he was a teenager, but underlined “I most definitely did not swallow.” The Prime Minister came under intense interrogation during PM’s Questions over his dalliance with the beverage that has been linked with wife-beating, paedophilia, arson and genocide.
Tearaway website Mumsnet has declared independence from the rest of the Internet. In a move that is bound to shock the rest of the web, the renegade site for mothers has published a statement saying that “everyone else can go suck themselves”.
Fresh from controversy over claims that the Conservative Party are still a bunch of evil baby-stealing bastards, David Cameron has gone even further in distancing himself from the party’s history by renaming the party the Cameron Party.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
