Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
David Cameron has condemned the creator of a Facebook tribute page to Siobhan O’Dowd, the woman who set up a tribute page for Raoul Moat. The rectangular-headed Prime Minister called for Facebook themselves to shut down the tribute page.
David Cameron batted off accusations that his government was relying on product placement to fund its lavish lifestyle by creating two new cabinet positions: Chief Secretary for Tastiness and Minister for Total Satisfaction. The posts will be occupied by two of Cameron’s closest advisers, Ben and Jerry.
David Cameron has praised Londoners for their “spirit and enterprise”, as the entire city evacuated ahead of Nicolas Sarkozy’s state visit. The French President, who arrived by Eurostar last night, walked the empty streets of the capital with his advisors, claiming it was “like Paris in August”.
David Cameron is to embark on an ambitious face-to-face cost-savings review with every UK citizen. According to plans drawn up by the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats, the Prime Minister will make a whirlwind tour of the country over the next three years, meeting roughly every single person of voting age.
Cracks are already appearing in the fragile Lib-Con coalition, with some Liberal Democrat figures reporting anonymously that they have been “bullied” by senior Tories.
David Cameron has saluted Britain’s swing to “meh” politics by not particularly choosing one party or the other. Hailing it as a victory for non-committal politics, the potential Prime Minister said it was a “momentously middling” moment in UK politics.
In an unprecedented situation, all three leaders have been declared winners of Thursday night’s election debate. The move comes as part of Labour’s initiative to extend the classroom “everyone’s a winner” attitude into politics.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal that the general election will be determined by a horse race and not by voters in polling stations. Our source at the Electoral Commission confirmed that just three horses will be allowed to compete in the election race on 6 May.
Senior researchers at the Murdoch Institute of Truth (MIT) have discovered that Nick Clegg eats babies in a satanic ritual as old as time itself. The Liberal Democrat leader, whose bounce in the polls is “nothing”, according to MIT, also runs grannies over in his car, and stuffs money up his own arse.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal what Gordon Brown was writing while David Cameron and Nick Clegg were speaking during the election debates.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
