Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Officials at Burnley FC have strenuously denied accusations that they “sexed up” the Brian Laws dossier in order to gain the fans’ backing of their new manager. An official told the Daily Shame that “Brian Laws is a true legend and yes, yes he did fight at El Alamein, you go look it up on Google.”
Scientists are reportedly thrilled to have discovered a loophole in Einstein’s theory of relativity, in which football managers are said to perceive time in a wholly different manner to the rest of the world.
Historians have unearthed evidence that Manchester City’s plot to replace Mark Hughes with Roberto Mancini was actually planned as far back as the Middle Ages. The heinous plotting by City Chief Executive Garry Cook was actually part of a centuries-old plan devised by his ancestors.
The British Chess community is up in arms over news that the British Chess Board is looking into ways of “spicing up” the game. A drop in revenue, and flagging audiences mean that the BCB has been casting glances towards the creators of Twenty20 cricket and the World Darts Championship.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
