Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Scientists are reportedly thrilled to have discovered a loophole in Einstein’s theory of relativity, in which football managers are said to perceive time in a wholly different manner to the rest of the world.
Research has revealed what everyone feared in the first place – that cats, if they could, would kill us all. “There is incontrovertible evidence”, says leading feline expert Mark Wretched-Jones. “If they had the chance, we’d be dead meat.” Scientists carried out experiments on cats, giving them temporary opposable thumbs. At first, the cats appeared apprehensive as they learned how to operate the thumbs, but after a few minutes, they quickly went to the kitchen draw, got out a knife and started chasing the scientists around the lab.
Scientists at the CERN centre in Switzerland say that the elusive Higgs-Boson particle loves to have a “laugh and a drink”, and is in fact one of the cheekiest particles they have ever tried to find.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
