Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Residents in Blackpool are reportedly “excited” at the prospect of West African river-borne disease Ebola coming to the town. Council officials have rolled out the red carpet for what they say is the most “thrilling disease” to visit the town since cholera.
The feared Miller gang have agreed to lay down their weapons in a truce with the rest of their street. The gang, whose catapults and pea-shooters have claimed dozens of embarassed victims, say that it is “time to talk peace”, although residents are fearful that this is yet another episode of wolves in sheeps clothing.
Local priest Connor O’Bullocks is tonight in hiding after admitting that he had a thing for legal-age women. Hordes of angry church-goers have picketed his house with signs saying “get this pervert out” and “we’ll have no hetero clergy skirt-lifters round here thanks”.
A gala reception was laid on at Cambridge Town Hall last night for intrepid sexual explorer Sir Charles Edward Ballardo, whose latest expedition to discover the G-Spot was a “huge success”. Mayor Swilltrough-Spencer handed Ballardo the keys to the city and unveiled a commemorative plaque outside the Town Hall, saying “the city ought to be proud of one of its finest sons discovering something we thought could never be discovered.”
A 5-year-old boy from Buttsock-on-the-Wold has strenuously denied accusations from fellow primary school-goers that he is at an advanced stage in the construction of a nuclear reactor in his parents’ back garden.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
