Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Children have admitted that they were “fooled” by a work of modern art. Hundreds of youngsters have said that they “could never believe” in a million, gazillion years, that the work of art was produced by an adult.
They thought they had lost each other forever – Alf Norkfest and Betty Relish were members of Friends Reunited, a deserted, barren website that was popular back in the early 1990s. Now in their 70s, the pair were reunited on friendsreunitedreunited.com, a site for long lost Friends Reunited contacts.
BBC’s Masterchef continues to plumb new depths. In last night’s episode, producers were forced to apologise after completely forgetting the food. It was a 30-minute testosterone fest of contestants telling us how much they wanted to win it, and how much they were up for it – but where was the nosh?
It was originally meant to be a motivational update on quarterly sales figures, but it turned out to be a grammatical nightmare for Shamcock Management Facilities’ CEO Bradley Eldershaft. Employees disgruntled at a continuous usage of nouns as verbs, such as incentivise, diarise and softwareise, voiced their discontent, forcing Eldershaft to make a formal apology to employees and shareholders.
The Voice of Vorderman: Residents of Camberley are right – there should be no Mosque in their town! This is yet another example of Broken Britain – where asylum seekers and Muslims can just waltz in, knock down our beautiful Victorian buildings and build their own spaceship buildings which have absolutely no style whatsoever.
The Welsh nation yesterday celebrated the fact that it isn’t English with a day of singing and drinking in the valleys. The traditional St. David’s Day celebrations went off without a hitch as Welsh people burned the ceremonial “Nigel”, the Welsh equivalent of the English “Guy”.
As he surveys his ranch in Texas, the Jolly Green Giant cuts a forlorn figure. Years ago, he was recognised as the happiest, most jovial giant in the whole of the United States. Today, he admits that he’s caught a dose of the blues, and no one appears to understand.
The National Union of Joneses has launched a campaign to increase understanding of their plight. The NUJo claims that Joneses around the country are “fed up” with everyone else trying to keep up with them and want to be “left alone in their superiority.”
Six months ago, Shytte Management Facilities Ltd. employed 500 people and was booming. Today, it employs just one person, an elderly gentleman of 64 years who resolutely refuses to retire, despite former colleagues beseeching him to do so.
The parents of a Norfolk child who is expressing Conservative tendencies have expressed alarm. “He’s turning alarmingly free market”, said mother Ida Cackbeans. “Which is worrying, as he’s only 4 and has a vocabulary of just over 150 words.”
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
