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The Daily Shame | October 10, 2015

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Tories give your brains to Hospital Corporation of America, for moneys of course

Tories give your brains to Hospital Corporation of America, for moneys of course

Hello Americanz! Aren’t you just loving that special relationship we’re having? How we gaily skip through the meadows together, hand in hand, except last week we kinda ruined it by becoming crisp-eating surrender monkeys. Sorry ’bout that. We had a girly pacifist moment.

How’s about we make it up to you? We’ve got this thing called the NHS, right – sorry, we HAD this thing called the NHS. And we’re offering parts of it to anyone who wants it, really. All you have to do is donate money to the Conservative Party, and you’ll get first dibs.

You in? I thought so!

Cos you’re REALLY FUCKING GOOD at healthcare, aren’t you? If you’re going to go anywhere in the world for healthcare, you’d go to America.

Just kiddin with ya! You wouldn’t go anywhere near America. In fact, if you’re feeling a little peeky, your best bet is to stay well away from the States, because it’ll cost you an arm and a leg. Sometimes literally. Americans just don’t do healthcare, unless it’s really expensive healthcare.

Their choice.

Except that they’ve been muscling their way into Europe of late, what with these secret trade talks that have been going on. Healthcare’s big business. If you charge people shitloads of money.

But over here in Limey-world, we used to get healthcare sorta free. Well, free – we pay for it through National Insurance. Yeah, all that money, swimming around going to doctors, hospitals, nurses and really expensive consultants – it could be yours. You could do what you want with it. Overcharge us, siphon off the money to the States, it’s up to you. Feel free. Have it.

But you have to pay £17,000 up front to the Conservative Party as a donation.

Oh, you have done? Well, come on down, Hospital Corporate of America (HCA), who are in a spot of bother with mis-selling healthcare, and other nasty things.

You seem like complete shits, what would you like to buy from us today?

Oh, you want to treat our brain tumours? Sorry, tumors.

Well, that’s DARN NICE of you to come all this way to treat our brain tumours. Sorry, tumors. We were kind of doing it ourselves, but if you really want to treat our brain tumours, sorry tumors, for us, then you must do it REALLY WELL compared to us.

Like, you must be CSI Brain Tumor or something. With doctors that start every operation with “Let’s get this muthafuckin brain tumor blasted to hell, dude” and nurses in Hooters uniforms who start every sentence with “fuck, yeah”.

Now, because of this (very quiet) deal that’s costing the NHS many millions, Limey cancer sufferers will have to switch hospitals halfway through their treatment. But that’s OK, because it’s not about the patients, is it. It’s about the amount of money that the Conservative Party can siphon off into the hands of their donors, and nothing else.

There is no reason, no logic whatsoever to this deal. HCA has overcharged the NHS already by £193m, as highlighted by a recent report. They’re shits. We don’t want them here.

But we can’t do anything about it, because the EU is happy to open up the European healthcare market to the US (again, who doesn’t really do healthcare unless it’s fucking expensive healthcare), and David Cameron is happy to flog anything that moves, to anyone who donates to him.

Sounds like a very special relationship.

Or, it sounds like a compelling reason a) to kick this corrupt thieving fuck of a coalition out of government and b) to get out of Europe before it’s too late.


  1. KFR

    come on , 1 trillion and counting for latest adventures, some more in the pipeline should Obama and Senat agree on who gets the surplus from replacing drones and rockets and Syria backschisch as harems with latest models and girls,fracking coomon sense .. didn’t Tony say so ? isn’t he and his roping party wellcome with any dictators private party ? what do you people in Britain need brains for ? others do the thinking for you !

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