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The Daily Shame | April 18, 2014

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Dear UK, bow down to your new leaders, Cuadrilla & Crosby

Dear UK, bow down to your new leaders, Cuadrilla & Crosby
Gareth

Remember bobbies on the beat? You could ask them the time, or where the sweet shop is, and they’d always help. Bobbies on the beat, they were great. They’d always be running down the street, trying to catch some cheeky chappy who’d nicked a loaf of bread, and they’d grab him by the ear and take him home to his mum.

Which is CLEARLY what they’re doing to the gentleman in the picture above. OBVS what we see here is two “bobbies on the beat” taking a young cheeky chappy home to his mum to be reprimanded and sent home early without his supper. This cheeky young protester has clearly done something bad, because it’s taking two men to restrain him, pull his ears, strangle him and whatever else it is they’re doing behind his back.

So what has he done? Ah, he has disobeyed our dear leaders, Cuadrilla.

Have you not heard? Cuadrilla have taken over. Them and Lynton Crosby. They’re in charge now, so you can all fuck off.

Especially “protestors” which is just shorthand for hippies and layabouts who don’t have jobs and don’t pay taxes. Yeah, “protestors” who don’t see the BIG PICTURE which is loads and loads of shale gas, potentially enough to (and let’s use bullet points for emphasis)

  • save us from oil dependency
  • bring down YOUR BILLS
  • save the world
  • shower us all with CASH and magic pixie dust

How can these hippies not see this? They’re only concerned with wildlife and shit. They need punishing, and our dear leaders from Cuadrilla & Crosby will deal with them.

Fracking, as we have discussed elsewhere, causes earthquakes, sinkholes, and untold reams of shit. Fracking is today’s pact with the devil. Do you want the money? You can have it all, but you have to put up with earthquakes and sinkholes. Go on, what do you want?

And there’s the red-faced, horn-headed cockfuck Lynton Crosby, sitting on George Osborne’s shoulder saying “give Cuadrilla a tax break”, and guess what – he did it.

It’s amazing what you can get when you LOBBY. And it’s amazing how much more impact your lobbying has when you’re in government.

So the bobbies on the beat – who are they working for? Are they working for you? Are the fuckity fuck, they’re working for Cuadrilla. Cuadrilla are the state. Lynton Crosby is the Australian cock poking the state in the bumhole (apologies for the graphic illustration). Lynton Crosby is the devil itself. But he’s in charge. Even the Tories have to turn to him to get their policies approved.

Corrupt? Yeah, but 36% of people in this country this it’s OK according to opinion polls.

Bow down, UK. And let Lynton Crosby deal with you all one by one.

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