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The Daily Shame | October 8, 2015

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Bain Capital wants your blood. Literally.

Bain Capital wants your blood. Literally.

Don’t know about you, but I thought we had nothing left to privatise. But it appears we do… our nation’s blood supply. It’s not much, you know, it’s just blood, which people use for transfusions and stuff. Saving lives, that kind of thing.

So it’s kind of important, blood. Blood plasma. I don’t know, I’m no scientist, but blood’s pretty important, and you really should want a degree of CONTROL over it. You don’t want some numpty in control of your country’s blood supply, you want someone who will a) look after it and b) not piss it up the wall.

It was trundling along nicely until now, you see. It was just blood. A bloody supply. For people who needed it.

But if you’re a Tory, it’s not bloody supply, it’s money supply. Blood wasn’t making enough money, so we should sell it all off. To Bain Capital. Yeah, you remember, Bain Capital, started by Mittens Romney, he of the hairgel and the shit Presidential campaign, he of the asset stripping, mass redundancies and corporate cockyoghurt.

Bain Capital don’t really do blood, or at least, they didn’t use to, until now. Now they do blood. The government could have sold to a healthcare company in the UK, of course, but they chose not to. They chose Bain Capital because, I don’t know, let’s speculate, Bain Capital offered more money? Or did Bain Capital put forward the tantalising offer of more spanking sessions with an orange and a gas mask?

There has to be something behind it, because these Tories – in their drive to privatise everything that moves – are making some pretty odd choices. And the people they’re selling to obviously know how to seduce Tories. An orange, a gas mask, and a whip. Works every time. Just speculating, I’m not saying that’s how Bain Capital got its filthy hands on the UK’s blood supply, I’m just speculating that maybe, somehow, they offered spanking, an orange, and a gas mask.

So as I say, I’m no expert in science and shit, but Lucy Reynolds is – she’s, like, really high up in The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and she said these words:

“Plasma supplies have a long record of being operated on a not for profit basis, using voluntary donors where all the necessary checks take place. The difference with a commercial firm is that they will want to have as many donors as possible and be looking to secure large profits first and foremost.

“This amounts to the government abandoning UK blood products users to the tender mercies of the cheapest supplier.”

What Lucy fails to appreciate is that everything has to make a profit. Silly Lucy. Silly, not-for-profit Lucy. Silly, not-for-profit, innocent little Lucy, living in her world of not-for-profit, hahaha, shall we all laugh at silly Lucy and her UNREALISTIC lefty world where people do stuff without thinking about PROFIT? Let’s point at her and laugh at her, or maybe, let’s discredit her in the press. Seems to be the way things are done these ways <cough> fracking <cough>,

Let’s not assume that this is isolated, it’s just part of the US’s drive to open up the entire European healthcare market as part of those ‘secret’ trade talks. The premise is this – the US wants our healthcare market, and we have to bend over and take it. The Hospital Corporation of America is already running three joint NHS “ventures”.

But hey, people of the UK, there’s nothing you can do about it. Bain Capital have your blood, the Americans have your hospitals, and they’re only going to have more of it. Sorry.

We could, of course, revolt against it. Let’s make it a bloody battle, shall we?

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