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The Daily Shame | September 3, 2015

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Government caught spending our taxes on anything they like – upper classes mostly.

Government caught spending our taxes on anything they like – upper classes mostly.

| On 28, Jun 2013

Right…so the economy is still in a dire state, but at least we can all still tune in to BBC Question Time to find out what celeb is on this week and then immediately disregard everything else that’s said because it’s actually a pointless show that doesn’t really help anyone.  Although it does cause anger and outrage on Twitter and, if the celeb is a particularly thick one, it actually turns it into a rather entertaining quiz show that has no point other than to award points to people for basically just being there.  Never seen one of them before.

Oh yeah…there are also young people in the audience asking questions on matters that don’t actually affect them.  How I love to see them reading from crumpled slips of paper while they stumble through their entire thirty seconds of fame.  Do they get answers?  No.  As I said…pointless show.

However, at least we have Twitter to give us multiple blow-by-blow accounts of every single thing that’s said during the whole pointless hour. It almost wakes me to full consciousness. You have to admit Twitter is very good at getting news and gossip out almost seconds after it’s been sucked from its source.

To be honest, if I hadn’t been viewing my Twitter feed yesterday, I’d have never seen a link to the news about the announcement to announce when the announcement of the new royal baby would be announced…um…or something like that anyway.  I wasn’t really paying attention.

It wouldn’t be so bad if the details of Kate’s entire birthing plan weren’t already circulating like mad.  Believe me, finding out she’ll be whisked to hospital at the first sign of labour is quite a slap in the face for most lowly peasant mums, especially when they’re all expected to sit at home huffing and puffing until the baby’s practically hanging out.  Mind you, that’s if they’re treated under the NHS.

Of course, we’re paying for Kate to go private and boy is she going to spend our money for us!  From the information available, she’s basically giving birth in a hotel suite within Paddington Hospital!  There will even be a hotel service team!  Have a laugh!

I have to say…I can’t wait for this baby to be born, especially as it’s being born into the most ‘paid for’ family in the country.  Come on admit it…none of us can wait to see this baby! First, though, we really need to know when that all important announcement that’s going to tell us when the announcement about the announcement of his/her birth will be announced!  OMG!

Announcement?  No…a proclamation! Get it right people.  A proclamation will be taken in person to the Palace and placed on an easel set up in front of the Privy Purse door.   Yes, you heard me…the Privy Purse door!  41-gun salute?  No probs.  We’ll pay for that too.

Then we can all see those specially selected photographs of the proud parents at the doors of the hospital…and we’ll all say, “Oh my…Kate looks fabulous!” when really she looks like any other mother who’s just had a baby and resembles someone who’s spent five hours on a bumpy rollercoaster in a hurricane.  Yes…that’s exactly how new mothers look! (I think)

No doubt there will be the odd picture here and there of the baby in various outfits which will be cooed at by millions of staunch supporters of the royals.  None of your old shit, mind.  No!  We demand the best clothes that tax-payers’ money can buy!

Don’t get me wrong, I really hope this little girl or boy is born healthy and happy.  I just don’t want to pay for the rest of the family to live in luxury while most of us are constantly being told we’re living under the threat of cuts to our services and rising tax rates.

Oh yeah…I know it’s only right we should pay towards everything the new parents need for their new baby.  I mean their home improvements totalling a whopping million quid is peanuts.  Apparently the royals cost us 34 million last year and the Queen’s laundry bill alone amounted to £700,000! (I could buy two fucking houses for that!)  By the way, a very nice man called Kevin O’Sullivan tweeted these figures out recently.  See?  Twitter!  Invaluable!

By the way, I AM aware that George III handed over the Crown Estate to the government in return for an annual income for the royals, but the trouble with that is the government have cocked up financially SO much over the years it’s highly unlikely they can afford it now without using our taxes.  So yes we ARE paying towards fulfilling an agreement that was made by the government.

No doubt about it, no matter how bad UK citizens have it, the royals are entitled to a fixed amount they WILL receive no matter how badly off the rest of us are.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m rather skint here.  I could really do with opting out of paying for the royal family or at least paying a little less for the job they do to bring tourism to our country (even though other countries manage to attract tourists without a royal family).

Come to think of it, I’d really like to stop paying my TV licence too.  Incredibly, modern technology has come on so well in the last few decades, but nobody seems to be able to make a telly without the capabilities to receive BBC channels. Funny that.

So…can we just stop paying the government for things we don’t want?  Of course we can’t!  We can’t opt out of anything the government want us to pay for…which is ironic, seeing as the government are eager to impose as many restrictions as possible on UK businesses to ensure we are protected from con artists and shoddy workmanship. <cough> coalition <cough>

Think about it.  A guy builds a wall outside your house and presents you with an invoice itemizing materials used and labour costs.  You inspect the wall and, if it’s okay, you pay him what he wants.

Similarly, you walk into a shop, pick up what you want and then pay for it.  Does the shopkeeper run round the shop after you shoving things you don’t want into your arms before demanding you pay for them?  Absolutely not!

The government, however, has the right to take money from any one of us it chooses without presenting an invoice or anything similar that allows us to refuse to pay for certain things.  We don’t even get a chance to inspect what they’ve done so far and demand they do it better next time.  Furthermore, we do not have the right to set a higher entity upon them to obtain a refund for the shit job they’ve done and continue to do.

If only ‘That’s Life’ was still on.  We could all complain to Esther Rantzen about this constant stream of waffling oafs who keep professing to be doing one thing while blatantly doing another…badly.  Just once, I’d love to hear Esther say, “So we contacted Mr Osborne and he agreed to refund every single payment of tax that was used to pay for the government’s fuck-ups.”.  Sadly, we will never hear her say that because it will never happen and no matter how many fuck-ups this government makes, we will continue to be financially liable for them.

So…how has a country that was supposed to be evolving into a classless society become such a tangled mess of ‘legal’ segregation and extortion?…and why the hell are we not free to refuse to pay for things we don’t want with money we have earned fair and square?

More importantly…why am I still paying for toffs to go on expensive holidays when I can’t even afford to have a cheap one?

This coalition government is clearly trying to ensure the upper-classes suffer as little as possible as a result of the financial mistakes that have been made thus far.  No matter how much they try to convey a message of equality to us via various media outlets, we’ve already accepted it’s all lip service.

To be honest, all we can do is wait for the next round of elections so we can vote for the next bunch of toffs who will arrogantly take what they please from our wages and piss it away on celebratory flotillas and fireworks…oh and washing the Queen’s undies. (Two houses, mate, TWO!)



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