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The Daily Shame | August 21, 2014

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Tory Councillor Peter Chapman wants to beat up bone-idle Costa bitches

Tory Councillor Peter Chapman wants to beat up bone-idle Costa bitches
Gareth

Review Overview

Misuse of social media
9
Woman-beating
8
Another stupid tory
10
9

Me ape man

Barely a week goes by without some numbnut Tory councillor making an ape of himself. Meet Peter Chapman, who is bone idle.

I don’t know about you, but when I need coffee, I really need coffee. I mean, I can’t wait. I’m terrible like that. When I need my shot of espresso, I just go mental, I’ll probably beat people up, I don’t know. I’m crazy.

That’s why I sympathise entirely with Peter Chapman, who apparently is a Conservative councillor down in Dorchester. Peter, you see, is another coffee freak like myself who REALLY NEEDS his espresso otherwise he’s going to go FUCKING NUTS. Peter was in the queue at his local Costa – you know Costa, it’s the place that everyone wants to work at – and he was forced to wait, ooh, probably a few minutes longer than was necessary, and he just snapped. He posted this on Facebook:

‘Terminally slow (and bad) service from the bone idle bitches at Costa Dorchester today, they all need a good beating.’

Hurrah! Finally someone is taking a stand against bad service in the name of coffee. Why, only last Saturday, I was at my local Costa with my two-year-old daughter and the lazy FOREIGNERS couldn’t even be bothered to sprinkle her babyccino with chocolate – I had to do it myself.

They deserve a proper beating, you know. They really do.

The bone idle bitches were off serving other people. That’s what’s wrong with customer service these days, they’re all off serving other people instead of me. Do they not know that my daughter won’t drink her babyccino without the sprinkling of chocolate on top? DO THEY NOT CARE ABOUT THE CAPRICES OF A TWO YEAR OLD?

Selfish fuckers.

Yes, so we sympathise entirely with Peter Chapman and his call for Costa employees to have the shit kicked out of them. Perhaps Costa will respond to his call with a ritual beating for Costa employees who take longer than two minutes to serve each customer. Perhaps they can mark everything up on a rota like they do the toilet cleaning duties.

Agnieszka – took 3 minutes to serve a customer: flogged 15 times by area manager Hugo.

Maria – served the wrong syrup in customer’s latte: beaten around the head rigorously until unconscious.

Of course, this policy brings up a number of potential pitfalls – notably, who is going to do the beating? Do Costa have to employ someone just to do the ritual beatings? Equally, do Costa have to employ someone to keep watch over the employees at all times to ensure that lattes are served within the requisite two minutes?

Maybe Peter Chapman can do the beating himself?

However, it seems not everyone understands Chapman’s “woman beating” suggestion. Women’s groups (feminists) have said it’s a bad thing, yadiyadiya, as they would. They don’t drink coffee, do they. They drink raspberry leaf tea or hemp infusions, whatever.

How can a feminist understand a coffee-deprived man’s need to beat up a woman? They sit there in their nice closeted “abuse-free” world, but they just don’t understand the pent-up frustrations of a caffeine-addicted ape who really, really, really wants to beat up bone-idle bitches who take too long to get him his latte.

And… back in the real world, Peter Chapman has tried to excuse his comments on Facebook by saying “well, they were in private, weren’t they, so it’s fine”, because saying things on a public forum such as Facebook means it’s a) all in jest and b) totally private.

However, we don’t think Peter Chapman should resign. After all, he’s just doing his job of being a Conservative Councillor (i.e. saying stupid things and offending people). He should, however, be forced to work in Costa for a week on subsistence wages with a grumbling queue of coffee-addicts who want to beat the crap out of him.

Many thanks to Political Scrapbook for the original story.

Comments

  1. Timothy Lechowicz

    Since you are feigning to use coffee, to suggest doing, most unmanly, acts towards women. Real coffee addicts drink the lighter roasts since roasting destroys the caffeine. You confuse strong taste with getting a hit of caffeine : Perhaps your addiction is to violence, since the dark roasts only have enough for a house cat. Get a big bag of those ruined, overly roasted coffee beans, and punch and kick the shit out of it. And let us real caffeine addicts swill our slightly roasted, daily fixes, of my favourite drug. Better yet, take a valium, your time sense is school boy selfish, and valued only by yourself.

  2. jo oldale

    Love you…. was feeling really depressed that nobody seemed to give a shit about this vile man’s vitriolic comments. Thank you. Love you
    Tea drinking feminist

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