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The Daily Shame | October 9, 2015

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Privatisation of state education? It’s academic…

Privatisation of state education? It’s academic…

Review Overview

Corporate greed
False philanthropy

Michael Gove

Michael Gove's such a cock, his name has become a category of its own. A four-letter word that means "I'm not listening to anyone, I'm giving my friends all your money".

You may not know this, but the Daily Shame has sprogs. Well, one with another on the way, and the Daily Shame’s going to have to choose a school at some point. So the Daily Shame’s wondering what the fuckity fuck Michael Gove is doing with schools at the moment, especially good ones like Roke Primary, which has been forced into becoming an academy against the will of, erm, everyone involved.

It’s a funny one, this Roke. Because they were “outstanding”, whatever that means, and a computer error meant they were no longer outstanding. In pounced the Department for Privatisation Education (DPE) and they said “you’re going to become an academy because we said so” and they said “no” and the DPE said “damnit you will, and our friend Lord Harris is going to run you. Not the secondary school you’re already working with, but their friend Lord H.

So they basically GAVE Roke Primary to Lord Harris, who runs this Harris Federation. With no consultation with parents or anyone else.

Lord Harris, incidentally is a close personal friend of David Cameron and gives lots of money (£2m) to the Tory Party. He will own everything at Roke – desks, pencils, staff, bricks, the lot. He paid the grand sum of nothing. Because he’s a mate. Mate’s rates.

Now then… as a parent, your Daily Shame is wondering… well, what does it matter who owns the school? So long as the sprog gets a decent education, is happy, likes it and learns a lot, then it doesn’t really matter who owns it. And really, what profit can anyone make from a state school? After all, it’s free, we don’t pay for it, no money changes hands.

Ah, but then we thought again. We do pay for it, with our taxes. So money does go into Roke, or any other school. Quite a lot of money. No wonder Lord Harris, a businessman, is so keen to own schools. Because we were wondering “what’s in it for Lord Harris” – you may also be surprised to learn that your Daily Shame is quite the businessman and understands the profit motive.

So clearly, Lord Harris, as a businessman, has seen there’s lots of money going INTO Roke, the question is, how do you get it OUT of Roke? Well, how’s about getting your own people in for, say, gardening and maintenance work? Yes, let’s do that, and we’ll make a profit there by charging, ooooh, anything we want. We could even sell off the playing fields to developers. Ker-ching!

We won’t say it’s a profit, but we’ll all be earning about £80k each so that covers it. And his Chief Executive earns £250k.

Which is nice.

For him.

So if you think about it, that money that you were paying in taxes to pay for teachers, head teachers, all those good things that make up a school, well part of it is now going to the Harris Federation and other such Federations who claim to “sponsor” academies.

Harris has also got its teeth into Kelsey Park with a concerted campaign to take over the school. They’ve even got their own little campaign group – a couple of whom have actually gone to the school. Again, no voting involved here. The result of the conversion to a co-educational academy (which is what Harris wants) is that 450 places for boys will disappear over five years, and they will be forced to travel 8 or 10 miles to the nearest available schools. If those schools have capacity.

So – we pay money for our children’s education, but it’s being siphoned off to Conservative Party donors, and the end result – lower funds for teachers, less money for books, squeezed catchment areas. Your Daily Shame doesn’t want to send young Shame to a school where the money is being diverted to enormous salaries instead of teachers – in fact, your Shame would probably rather PAY to send young Shame to a private school where at the very least, class sizes are lower.

But your Daily Shame is stubborn, and doesn’t allow advertising on the site, so we can’t afford it. Maybe we’ll have to. And we’ll blame you for it, Gove. When there’s a garish advert at the top right of this site, it’s because Michael Gove made us do it. We’ll remind you of it. Forever.

So Michael Gove, you irritating, ignorant, corporate little prick, stop bullying schools into becoming private academies when they don’t want to, stop siphoning off taxpayers’ money so that you can help your friends maintain their fucking duck ponds or whatever it is they’re using the money for, and leave our schools alone.


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