Dear Cyprus, you never really needed your savings anyway
Hello Cyprus! European kisses!
Thank you for the money, by the way. We’re so happy that you’ve all agreed to hand over part of your personal savings for the European project, we really are. Thanks! European kisses!
Oh, you didn’t agree? Yeah, sorry, we sprung that one on you. You see, we have to maintain the European dream. We have to keep the EU flame alive, for whatever it’s really worth these days, and SOMEONE has to pay for the project. So we’ve taken some of your savings, and you can’t do anything about it – oh and we’re ensuring that you can’t take any money out of your accounts, too. Sorry.
That’s the price of a bailout, folks. The EU and your government fuck up, you pay the price. But you were only saving for a rainy day, and in Cyprus, you don’t have any rainy days, so you would never have needed it. Besides, the only people who saved money in Cyprus were dodgy Russians, weren’t they? Eh? What? Real people saved money too?
Oh, UKIP are going to love this one. All these years, and the “in / out” discussion around the EU have been framed by the bananas Daily Mail and Express banging on about how Europeans are going to eat our grandmothers, straighten our bananas, squash our asparagus, steal our savings, put us all on a rocket to the moon… wait a minute, go back a second there… steal our savings?
Yeah, as if to HELP the loons with their arguments against Europe, they’ve decided to go the whole hog and just nick money from peoples’ bank accounts. What a way to lose the argument.
In the meantime, the pro-EU debate is whispered quietly by boring people in suits who have none of the populism, none of the “straight-talking no-nonsense hilarity” provided by the twat in a hat Nigel Farage who can basically say what he likes, a certain proportion of the country are dumb enough to think he’s speaking the truth.
And if you listen hard enough, those whispering pro-EU types might just say things like:
- Our GDP has increased by £25bn thanks to the EU
- 3.5m jobs are linked to our membership with the EU
- While we’re a part of it, we help create the rules
- Companies come to the UK because we’re in the EU (e.g. Nissan), and they create jobs
- British employers can pick from the best Europeans for employees (and as we pay more, we do better, generally speaking)
- It’s because of the EU that you got de-regularisation of air routes, and therefore, you got Ryanair flights for £5 to Malaga or wherever. You may or may not call that a benefit.
- Booze & fags – no duty from EU states. Come on, UKIP fans, you should love that one.
- If we left, we’d be bound by their rules but have no input on creating them
- It gives us huge negotiating power with everyone else (US, China, Japan, etc.)
But hey, whisper them because it’s nothing like the headlines “EU wants to send us all to the moon” or “Up Yours Delors” or “Straighten my bananas? Not on your nelly!” or “EU steals Cypriots savings”…
Oh wait one minute… go back a second there. You gave us booze, fags and cheap flight tickets, and then you take peoples’ savings directly from their bank accounts? And you don’t expect a revolution any time soon? You really do have to be fucking stupid, don’t you.
This is no case for leaving the EU, which is obviously what the UKIP-ers are calling for. After all, when somebody picks your pocket on the London Underground, do you immediately think “Right, that’s it, I’m leaving London and never coming back!”
This is just that – theft. And the Cypriot government and the EU should hang their heads in shame, because in the long term, they’ve just shot themselves in the foot. Who’d keep money in a bank in Cyprus now? Who’d trust a Cypriot MP? Who’d trust the EU?
Not many people now, I’m afraid.