Tesco just horse-ing around with your cheap burgers
Hello, fat people. Have you just had a burger for breakfast? Two? I thought so. Well, sit down, will you. Oh, you’re already sat down. Well, that burger – it may not really be beef. It may contain… erm… horse.
Yes, apparently Tesco, Aldi and a bunch of other businesses who couldn’t give a flying fuck about your health are stuffing their burgers with horse meat, and you’re meant to be outraged about this. Absolutely outraged. Because when it says 100% beef, you believe it.
When Tesco say that the burger you are eating is 100% beef and really, really tasty, you should get really angry when you hear that actually, it’s not. It’s put together in a factory, by a company who don’t really know what they’re doing. They’ll put any old shit in there, like pig meat, horsemeat, and sometimes – wait for it – beef. And they call it “Fresh and Easy” which is about 50% right.
Yes, that £2 pack of 8 burgers that you bought MAY NOT actually be beef. Are you distressed? If so, Tesco apologises.
If you are distressed, then how’s about NOT buying shit food from a shit supermarket? Just a suggestion from your loving, caring Daily Shame. You see, if you pay £2 for a pack of 8 burgers from a shit supermarket like Tesco, then it’s your own fucking fault if you end up eating horsemeat. The fact that you want to pay £2 for 8 beefburgers means that Tesco find cheap ways of making the meat, and that means finding a shit factory to make its shit food, and they fill it full of horsemeat.
How’s about eating some vegetables instead? They’re also cheap. In fact, they’re probably cheaper. Yes, they do involve a bit of hard work – it’s not as if you can just STICK THEM IN THE MICROWAVE and fuck off back to the telly for five minutes. No, you might have to peel them or chop them.
If you think for one minute that Tesco actually care about you, your health, and your lifespan, then you’re barking up the wrong tree. Tesco care about stuffing your mouths with as much shit as possible, and the only statistic that matters is how much cash you gave them in exchange for their shit. Tesco will kill you, if you let them. So long as you pay for it. A Tesco Value Heart Attack, if you like.
Tesco are cunts who hate you. That’s why they don’t know what’s in their burgers: because they don’t care. Don’t get outraged about that, get outraged about the fact that you choose to pay a couple of quid for burgers when you could be paying a couple of quid for vegetables instead.
And here’s a radical suggestion, how’s about eating some horse meat? After all, it’s low in fat, high in protein and actually not so bad. The only worry is that if you buy it from Tesco, Aldi or Lidl, then it’s going to contain 30% beef and that’s a real cause for worry.