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The Daily Shame | October 4, 2015

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Millionaire George Osborne Gives Up £20 a week. For you. Love him, won’t you

Not since the Good Lord Jesus went to his death around, erm, Easter sort of time, has so much been owed to one man alone. You greedy nurses take note, for Good George Osborne, as he shall henceforth be known, has decided to give up his £20 weekly child benefit so that you, the country, can live on.

Fucking hell, George, how many children do you have? For we imagine, that if this sacrifice were to have any significant impact on your finances, you would have to have, erm, literally hundreds of offspring here, there and everywhere. George Osborne, The Great Inseminator, spreading his seed, but only after his 150th child did he realise that he, George Osborne, was crippling the UK economy by fucking ALL THE TIME without a condom.

So as I said, nurses take note, will you. George ‘Gideon’ Osborne, has given up his child benefit. While you’re counting the cost of the latest cuts in welfare, think of Gideon in his palace this weekend. He’s going to have to make SERIOUS cutbacks because he’s not getting his £20 a week per child any more.

Such as:

  • shopping at Fortnum and Masons instead of Harrods
  • buying the 200g block of foie gras instead of the 250g block (and making it go further)
  • getting the gold-plated toilet seat on a “buy now, pay in 2014″ offer

As Gideon quite literally falls on his sword, a survey in The Sun shows that 83% of Sun Readers believe the benefits system is unfair.

Well, of course they do. Sun Readers are like sheep. That’s why they don’t ever say “people” when they declare the results of one of their surveys. If you tell a Sun Reader that the moon is square and made of cheese, a Sun Reader will believe it.

However, if you add a bit of nuance into the story, such as the fact that most of the welfare budget is spent on the elderly and carers, or the slightly ‘against the grain’ fact that only 0.7% of the welfare budget (according to the government) can be accounted for as ‘fraud’, then you’ve got a rather confused Sun Reader. Because it’s not so black and white then, is it. Not so easy to find someone to blame.

But here’s George, reminding us that the greatest sacrifice a millionaire can make is to give up his own share of welfare. His £20 a week per child is going back into the state coffers so that we, the Great British public, can live to fight another day.

Good George Osborne, The Welfare Saint.

So just one question, George. Will you also be giving up your first class tickets and your 5% tax cut you gave yourself?

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