Mary Seacole was a white, alcoholic, male brickie, and part of a communist plot against 21st century Britain
by Chairman Michael Gove
One of the most heinous aspects of the last Labour government was its despicable elevating of the white, alcoholic, male brickie, Mary Seacole, to the status of national treasure. This man, who worked on a Victorian building site, currently takes up about 72% of GCSE pupils’ teaching time, and is symbolic of the PC takeover of our schools. Worse, he was the fulcrum of a Bolshevik plot to undermine our schools.
We should be teaching our children about Winston Churchill, Oliver Cromwell, and forcing them to learn by rote all the Kings and Queens of our green and pleasant Isle. We should be teaching them how to memorise key dates in our national history, not understanding or interpreting why those events are of importance to our present or our future.
We should not be teaching them the faked PC memoirs of a white brickie the leftie brigade want to portray as some kind of heroine.
These lefty teachers seem to think that Mary Seacole was some sort of black, female nurse who went to the Crimea of her own accord to ‘help’ people get better. Nothing could be further from the truth. Mary Seacole was in the Crimea, yes, but offered nothing to soldiers other than booze and bricklaying courses. The acts of a national heroine? I think not.
Earlier this week, our state newspaper was good enough to publish the state position on the disgusting Seacole and his appalling web of lies. However, I am proud to reveal in the Daily Shame today that Seacole was not just a male, white Victorian brickie, but that the Seacole story was, in fact, concocted by Bolshevik revolutionaries in order to destabilise 21st century Britain.
Just six years after the publication of the Communist Manifesto, Seacole met with Communist representatives at a seedy coffee shop in London. He was promised untold riches for his part in a PC, left-wing plot to brainwash the minds of our 21st-century children. This is the Bolshevik long game in play, and we’re approaching the end-game.
The plan was to create a ‘Seacole myth’. They blacked him up, put him in a dress, and sent him out onto the battlefields with bottles of wine. Seacole would get soldiers drunk, ply them with whores and give them money. Over time, the legend grew, and Queen Victoria was taken in by the heinous plot to deify a Bolshevik icon, establishing a benefit fund for this “woman”.
Right up to his death, Seacole was visited by Bolshevik representatives, who wanted to show their gratitude for his efforts. There were even communist pilgrimages, and even today, shady types dressed in raincoats, carrying briefcases, still gather outside the place where (s)he lived and died.
It’s ironic that while we are considering erecting a statue for this faker, there were, in fact, 73 Mary Seacole statues dotted around the old Soviet Union. The last remaining statue, deep in the Moldovan countryside, bears a plaque that says “In honour of Comrade Seacole, destroyer of the 21st century capitalist and promoter of Communist-politically-corrected ideology”.
Teachers, think on this while you’re preaching communist ideology to our children. They must learn dates. Not lies.
PS – Dear Michael, if you or one of your ‘representatives’ are reading this, then HELLO! We’d like to draw your attention to the /satire/ in the URL and remind you that you didn’t actually write this piece. Still, we hope it helps your campaign against Mary Seacole and all that.