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The Daily Shame | October 13, 2015

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How are we hating disableds this week? Meet the LTB’s

How are we hating disableds this week? Meet the LTB’s

Are you in a wheelchair? No? Good, then you’re OK, aren’t you. Because them people in wheelchairs, if they’re not competing in the Paralympics, then they’re lying, thieving bastards, aren’t they. Them people in wheelchairs, they can all walk, can’t they. And when your back’s turned, they’re off picking pockets.

Then you turn around, pocket picked, wondering “who’s nicked me wallet” and you see a disabled in a wheelchair and it’s just sat there, looking all innocent. You see, they lie and they thieve. That’s what they do.

We heard that from this company called Triage, you see. Triage are getting money from the government for ‘placing’ these disableds into jobs, but it turns out they don’t call them disableds or ‘people’ or things like that, oh no siree, no. They call them LTB’s – Lying Thieving Bastards – because that’s what they are. Triage said so.

Well, they tried to deny it, but one of their employees is saying that’s what disabled people are referred to in training courses.

So, this Triage bunch, what is it they do? Well, they have to place disabled people into work, but it JUST SO HAPPENS they make more money from not placing them into work. Basically, you get them on board as clients, the government says “well done, you”, pats you on the back, gives you a fee, and you do the grand sum of FUCK ALL to get them a job.

In the meantime, Gideon, IDS and co run campaigns about how feckless these LTB’s are, and how they do fuck all with their curtains closed apart from watching Jeremy Kyle and robbing the country blind.

Triage like to ‘park’ their employees, because they’re in wheelchairs and stuff, and you can park wheelchairs, can’t you. Like at football grounds. Like Tony Wilson from Middlesborough, who is on incapacity benefit, the lying thieving bastard. Yeah, so he’s got depression, anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder, but that’s all HIS FAULT so he can just GET OFF HIS ARSE and GET A JOB can’t he, well not really. Triage have parked him.

Again, Triage denied this, but then again, they would.

So is the work programme delivering? Well, there are two views of this. If you’re disabled and on benefits, not really. For a start, you’re a lying, thieving bastard, you see. Triage said so. And you’re not going to get a job, because Triage make more money by NOT getting you a job. Oh, and there aren’t any jobs anyway.

The second point of view is that it IS working. For Triage. And the other providers, who get money for NOT putting people in jobs that don’t exist. So when you think about it, the real lying, thieving bastards are Triage, who are taking money (this programme has cost £5bn) for doing fuck all. Isn’t that what they accuse the disableds of doing?

So actually, the Work Programme is working. If you’re David Cameron, Iain Duncan Fuckwit-Smith or Gideon Osborne, then it’s doing a fine, fine job of helping to demonise people in wheelchairs and benefits scroungers. It’s doing a fine, fine job of helping prop up businesses like Triage who take government (taxpayer) money in exchange for doing nothing.

And this Work Programme is all about ‘payment on results’. Well, I’ve been in business for a few years now, and I know all about payment on results. It means you massage the results. You get the results that are easiest to get, and you get money. Payment on Results is shit for people, shit for everyone except the government and the businesses who are getting paid for the results.

The real thieving bastards here are Triage, David Cameron, Iain Duncan Fuckwit-Smith, and the other LTB’s in charge of this country and robbing it of its resources, while blaming people in wheelchairs for our financial ruin.

If you voted for this lot, you can fuck off too.


  1. BROKEN BRITIAN UNDER TORIES – NEW GOVERNMENT SCHEME Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Parliament has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
    This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Parliament deems appropriate.

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