Eric Pickles Publishes 50 Shades of Money-Saving Tips for Councils
Yesterday was a bit of a fat day on the Daily Shame, so today we’re going to TRY and avoid telling jokes about FAT PEOPLE because that’s just wrong and SIZEIST. So you can imagine our feelings at reading Eric Pickles’ 50 tips for Councils on how to spend less money.
Tips on how to tighten your belt from a man who has never been able to tighten his own.
Sorry, that didn’t last long, did it. Another promise broken.
Anyhoo, chubby Pickles is basically telling councils, who have already had to cut their spending back, like, shitloads, since he waddled into power, that they’re all spending way, way too much money and they should LISTEN TO HIM because he knows how not to spend money.
Yes, this is the same Eric Pickles who spent £42,000 on biscuits. That’s a very lot of biscuits. If you consider that the average pack of biscuits is £1 – or so – and let’s take that down a little due to Coalition spending cuts (i.e. spend the same money, but on something different), you’re paying about 80p for 20 biscuits. That’s over 1 million biscuits that Eric Pickles and his department have eaten in a year.
One million biscuits. No wonder the biscuit industry is doing so well. Eric Pickles is eating them all. Let’s not kid ourselves, Eric’s eaten the lot and his department have been looking at crumbs for the last year.
So Eric’s telling councils to stop the spending (because the price of biscuits is going up, probably). And what does Eric recommend? Open a coffee shop in the local library (why not get a private company to do it, such as Costa), or EARN MORE from private advertising (yes, those private companies again, are you noticing a pattern here?) and “stop providing free food and drink for meetings”.
Sorry, what was that Eric? I couldn’t tell what you were saying because your mouth was full of biscuits.
There’s our old favourite – “Claim back money from benefits cheats” – ignoring the fact that only 0.7% of benefits claimants are actually benefits cheats (not a statistic that you’ll find in any of your Tory-controlled media). Then there’s some wonderfully vague shit like “Buy together” and “save money on computer software”.
That last one is a tip that Ian Duncan Fuckwit-Smith has done, and he’s got a wonderful record of 25% failure. So go talk to him first, eh.
And here’s a good one – stop away days in posh hotels. Yes, “posh” hotels. Just shit ones, then, Eric? Wonderful that the government can tell others not to use posh hotels, and here’s another – stop using first class travel – when they’re run by Old Etonian posh boys who travel first class, sometimes with standard class tickets.
Anyway, Eric has found another wheeze for saving money himself – give less money to Labour councils than you give to Conservative councils. Because Labour councils are full of poors, and fat poors at that, and it fits in with the government’s crusade against people who aren’t toffs or millionaires (or both).