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The Daily Shame | September 5, 2015

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Now Trump rages over fixed whisky vote, the nutter

Now Trump rages over fixed whisky vote, the nutter

Donald Trump is like a shit Christmas ham given to you by that couple you barely ever see but they happened to drop round with a Christmas present despite the fact that you’ve got them nothing. The shit gift that keeps on giving. Every day another slice of unremitting shit. With a toupee. A shit Christmas ham from people you don’t like with a wig on it.

What’s he on about now? Well, whisky apparently. Donald has BANNED William W Grant whiskies from all of his bars and whatever else he has, dunno, unlicenced liquor stores, whatever, because they went and voted for someone who doesn’t like him as ‘Top Scot’. Yes, that’s right, a vote for ‘Top Scot’, you must have heard of this vote, it’s been going for about a thousand years and it’s so important, William Wallace won it for about two hundred consecutive years until they discovered Archie Gemmil. Yup, the Top Scot vote, come on, you MUST have heard about it before.

No? Anyway, it’s riled old Donald because they gave it to Michael Forbes, this guy who’s refusing to sell his property which Donald Trump wants to buy and turn into a golf course with Disney turrets and a huge toupee.

So yeah, you can kind of see that the awarding of the prize of ‘Top Scot’ to a man who is refusing to sell his house to Donald is a metaphorical ‘two fingers’ to old Toupee-ham himself, and most people would take that in good grace, wouldn’t they. They’d say “oh those cheeky Scots, maybe I should try to win them over by giving them lots of money or by just FUCKING OFF back to America from whence I came”, but no, not Donald, he’s targeting the sponsors of the event.

As you do.

So let’s hear from toupee-shit-ham himself because this is really good stuff:

“I hereby call for a boycott on drinking Glenfiddich products because there is no way a result such as this could have been made by the Scottish people. After suggesting that the Glenfiddich’s choice of Michael Forbes, as Top Scot, will go down as one of the great jokes ever played on the Scottish people and is a terrible embarrassment to Scotland.”

One of the greatest ever jokes played on Scotland. Greater than the poll tax?

He added: “I make a pledge that no Trump property will ever do business with Glenfiddich or William Grant & Sons.”

Anyhoo, he’s also claiming that Glenfiddich, you know, the people who have made whisky for ages, are jealous of his own brand. Whatever that is. Trumpfiddich? Glen Trump? Isle of Toupee? Famous Cunt?

What’s more, old toupee-ham is claiming that the vote was fixed, much like that vote over there in Americaland for the brown commie, Barry Obama, who still hasn’t released his university records in exchange for $5m to a charity of his choice.

You see, all this vote-fixing , you’d think there was a message in it for you, Donald. Let us try to decode this message from the Scottish People… well, the first word starts with the letter “F”, and the rest of the words read: “off you mop-haired, insane, land-thieving cocknugget.”


  1. chrisfs

    Trump has been rendered meaningless in the US political scene. So now he’s raging at whomever reminds him of his own irrelevance

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