Kristen Neel leaves Twitter, moves to Australia, which is just down the road
Oh Twitter, why do you have to be so mean? You really are mean, mean people for having a go at poor Kristen Neel, an 18-year-old girl from Georgia who’s as American as apfelkuche mit sahne, oh yes siree, yes she is.
You see, Kristen Neel has had to leave the land of Twitter after she tweeted this thing about moving to Australia because her dude Mittens of Romney managed to fuck up an election, and almost everyone on Twitter went “huh you what dumbass bitch?” and all that stuff that Twittererers do all the time.
Aw, bless her. She thinks Australia has a President. And she thinks Australia has a Christian President who does what he says. Well, it’s constitutional news to the Aussies, and perhaps someone should have told Her Maj that Australia’s gone all Republican-loony on her and deposed her with a Christian, perhaps the bald fella from the 80s. It’s also news to Julia Gillard, the female atheist Prime Minister who is actually in charge of the country. To get one thing wrong is a problem. To get everything wrong, however, that’s an achievement.
Then again, if you’re an 18-year-old girl from Georgia, which is officially the most dumbass state in the US, then you probably don’t know that you’re not the only country in the world, in fact you probably don’t know that you’re not the only state in the US. Why should you? After all, the only news you would ever get is the local news about how Smokin’ Joe the local redneck hick has just won the village’s “Most Stupid Man Named Joe” award for the tenth year running.
Australia don’t get a look in when there’s news as big as that!
Or, perhaps Kristen Neel meant Austria, which is a simple mistake to make, after all I made it a couple of times just touch-typing this article. In which case, she might be right about Heinz Fischer, I have no idea whether he’s a Christian or not, but he’s probably better than the previous Nazi they elected and kept in office for, erm, what seemed like forever.
So you can forgive poor Kristen Neel for not knowing where Australia is, or anything about Australia, because she’s from a dumb state where they don’t tell you about anywhere else. However, the rest of them? Hmmmmm…
Twitter, you’re forgiven. Go get ‘em.