Is your child rebellious? Kill it, says Arkansas shitball Charlie Fuqua
Hey parents you know when your child doesn’t do what you want it to do and you turn to that Gina Ford book and you say “hmm what does that Gina Ford tell me to do in this type of situation” and you look at it and think – gaaah that sounds like hard work, I’ll just stuff it full of chocolate and stick it in front of Cbeebies and hope it shuts up for a while. Or, if it’s older, BBC3. You know those situations, don’t you.
Like, when they’re young and you say “eat your broccoli” and it says “no I don’t want to” and you think “gaaaah I could kill you” or when it’s older and you say “don’t drink until you fall over it’s just stupid” and it says “I hate you I hate you” and then drinks until it drops. And you’re sat there thinking “If only there were such a thing as retroactive abortion then I could just sort this thing out once and forever”.
Well, maybe you could, if you move over to Americaland and that Arkansas where the latest Republican shitball, Charlie Fuqua (pronounced Fuck-wah, coincidentally), has informed us that the Bible says it’s OK therefore it’s fine to go and do it if your child is rebellious, no it really is. He also called for America to expel ALL Muslims from Americaland because, well, I don’t know, they smell and they bomb stuff. Let’s hear from Fuck-wah himself:
The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly.
Yeah, he actually said those real words with his mouth, a mouth that is made of snakes, yes, but a mouth that actually produces words and sometimes hissing sounds, but we don’t have them on record. Real words, people, real ones.
He goes on:
I know of many cases of rebellious children, however, I cannot think of one case where I believe that a parent had given up on their child to the point that they would have taken their child to a court of law and asked the court to rule that the child be put to death. Even though this procedure would rarely be used, if it were the law of land, it would give parents authority. Children would know that their parents had authority and it would be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents.
Hm, yes, we all know of many cases of rebellious children and you know what, we can’t think of any particular specific cases of parents going to court saying “judge, I’d like my child to be put down, please, it won’t go to bed on time” and the judge going “hmmmm, let me see if there are any precedents” before referring to the bible and saying “well, there is this kinda safeguard thing here that says it’s kinda OK and if it’s in the Bible therefore it must be law” because over here, at least, Judges ain’t nutters. Well, some of them are, but we keep them locked away for times of national emergency.
So it would be a tremendous incentive to LEGALLY offer parents the option to have their kids put to death, wouldn’t it. A tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents instead of, say, the bogeyman coming to take them away or the threat of not having chocolate for the rest of your life. No, the death penalty, and why not a few show executions on Cbeebies before In The Night Garden so that you proper frighten the little fuckers into submission. Maybe you could shoot Iggle Piggle in the head and give Makka Pakka a lethal injection before Charlie Fuqua reads the Nighttime story about how children are rebellious and should be put down.
Oh, America, it would be funny were Romney not actually AHEAD in the polls and you didn’t consider people like Charlie Fuqua, Todd Akin and Nazi-loving “slavery was a good thing” Jon Hubbard (yeah he really did say these things) as vote-worthy, as you pull up in your massive fuck-off truck at the voting station with your guns and stuff, and wonder what this electrickery thing is that they’re using for voting these days. Yeah, it would be funny. Except that you’re voting for them. That’s not so funny.
So America, here’s what we say to you, in terms that you might understand. Vote for Charlie Fuqua, and Barney the Dinosaur gets it.