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The Daily Shame | September 3, 2015

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Amazon, meet our MPs… MPs, meet Amazon, you have a lot in common

Amazon, meet our MPs… MPs, meet Amazon, you have a lot in common

Ebooks, eh? They’re not worth the paper they’re written on. But hey, they cost a lot more than an actual book because, erm, because… well I don’t know why ebooks cost so bloody much. I mean, you have your fancy Kindle and you can go out and get any ebook you want, and it costs Amazon next to nothing to distribute them, compared to a book, which involves a process of cutting down trees, making some paper, getting it printed, getting a fancy cover that will look fucking horrible on your bookcase, and then getting it to Waterstones and then promoting it so that you can see it past all the wrapping paper and shit they sell these days.

And while we’re on the subject, Amazon, I am NOT fucking interested in buying cables for my iPhone any more, I bought them and I do not want them recommended in my bloody inbox every sodding morning. Nor am I interested in books similar to the one that I bought my mum last year for her birthday. Dang, if only there were another outlet for books and ebooks

But still, ebooks cost more because they reckon if you’ve got a Kindle, you’ve probably got more money than sense. You’re the fancy wanker on the beach who turns to the pleb with the book and says ‘aaah, still reading books are you? oh that’s so LAST year, myself I don’t pack any books any more, it weighs my suitcase down, yah, I’ve got this Kindle thing and it’s really revolutionised my life, oh shit there’s no battery life left… shitty fuckity shit”.

Ahhh, Amazon. We thought you were wankers already, why did you have to go and shaft your authors as well?

Oh, because it’s legal. Yeah, then it’s fine. You see, it’s FINE for Amazon to charge readers 20% VAT but then to go through that Luxembourg and pay only 3% themselves, meaning they pocket a lot more, because it’s legal. It’s not ethical, but who wants ethical when you’ve got money.

So for a £10 book, an author going through Amazon was offered the grand total of 80p. Per book. Not in total, that would have been really shit. As it is, it’s just shit. But that’s Amazon. Shitty fucking Amazon, pocketing the money because it’s legal. Just not ethical. But it’s legal.

And let’s go meet some of our MPs, shall we? Chris Bryant, who is Labour’s “attack the poor and disabled” dog, has been renting out his flat for MONEYS! Well, it’s legal. It’s just not ethical, but it’s legal. It’s within the rules, so therefore it’s OK. It’s probably also “within the rules” to go and take a dump on Ed Miliband’s doorstep, but we don’t see Chris Bryant doing that, do we? No, why not? Because it doesn’t make him money.

And they’re all at it. You have George Osborne, a serial rail ticket offender, you have 185 MPs traveling in first class when they’re not supposed to, you have even more of them renting out their London flats at three times the mortgage so that they can make some money, you have some of them staying in hotels when they’ve already got a flat around the corner BECAUSE A HOTEL HAS NICE FLUFFY CUSHIONS and they can probably nick some shampoo.

And that’s why they won’t do anything about Amazon, or Starbucks, or Google, or Vodafone, or the rest of them. Because they see nothing wrong in what Amazon are doing. The only way to deal with them is to do the following:

  • If your MP has been caught cheating on expenses, petition them to stand down immediately
  • Don’t buy anything from Amazon until they agree to pay publishers properly
  • If you’re with Vodafone, cancel your contract
  • Don’t use Google, use DuckDuckGo instead
  • Don’t drink at Starbucks, the coffee’s not even coffee and they don’t bother paying tax

And if I see you downloading an ebook written by a cheating MP from Amazon that you had found on Google, while sipping on a Mocchalocchafuckachino latte at Starbucks using your Vodafone 3G contract, then you can fuck off too.

Happy Monday, by the way!

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