For a brief moment last night, Libyan internet access was restored. It was, people hoped, the beginning of the end, but cables released via Wikileaks this morning indicate that it was a temporary hiatus. Libyan telecoms officals were ordered to restore access for 5 minutes while Colonel Muammar Gadaffi checked Mercenary Comparison websites.

“I got a phone call around half eleven last night,” says technician Inna Tan’net. “Someone said to me, hey, put the internet back on 5 minutes, will you? I said – no way – the tweeting will go through the roof, man, we don’t have that kind of capacity – but he say it’s for Gadaffi, man, and he’ll chop my balls off if I don’t put it back on.”

Colonel Gadaffi was reportedly “pleased” with bandwidth speed, telling close friends that it was “well rapid”, and adding “I managed to save £234 on my mercenaries through comparethemercenary.com. I don’t know where I’d be without these comparison websites. People say that you should never go for the cheapest – but I managed to get a great deal.”

It is reported that Gadaffi hired his mercenaries through “Machine Gun Mercenaries”, a shady firm operating out of Tripoli who regularly come top on death squad comparison websites. The deal allegedly includes immunity insurance, and one month’s free murder if paying in full. It is also thought that Gadaffi will receive a free clock radio.

A source close to Gadaffi said “he’s been using Tripoli HitSquad Ltd. a lot of late, but his premium went through the roof when news was broadcast around the world, and he didn’t have insurance against UN condemnation. Turns out that by turning the country’s internet off, he wasn’t able to contact them, as they don’t have a call centre – you can only get in touch by e-mail. While these deals look good on comparison websites, you really do have to check out the full terms and conditions.”

Friends close to Gadaffi say that he was “also able to check out his Facebook page” during the temporary internet reprieve, and “updated his status to ‘murderous shit’”.