Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
The “closed” signs were put up at Charles de Gaulle airport this afternoon after the entire nation simultaneously went on strike at watered-down austerity plans that required them to work an extra five minutes, provisionally scheduled for February 2012.
The Nobel prize committee has announced that, as from next year, it will announce a Nobel Bastard prize, in an attempt to appease China. The Chinese government was particularly annoyed at Liu Xiaobo’s Nobel Peace prize, and is thought to be “looking forward” to next year’s awards, where it hopes to win the first Nobel Bastard.
It was meant to be an innocent party trick, a chance for Shytte-on-Sea resident Alabaster Woebetide-Smith to show off his talent for reading books backwards. However, after just two pages of Tony Blair’s autobiography, “A Journey,” Woebetide-Smith noticed the room starting to warm up. Within seconds, the Dark Lord was stood in front of him, demanding an explanation as to why he had been summoned.
Voice of Vorderman: I’m disgusted by the way that delightful young X-Factor star Gamu Nhengu is being treated. The government has to step in and sort this situation out – there’s a clear dividing line between benefit-scrounging immigrants who can sing, and benefit-scrounging immigrants who can’t sing, and this needs to be enshrined in law – quickly.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
