Posted by 
- Vorderwoman
Steven Gerrard makes me sick. How is it that a young man, paid by the truckload, thinks he can let down his country and then HAVE SEX? I for one think Steven Gerrard is an absolute disgrace, and he should be showing the country exactly how sorry he is by cutting himself with knives until it really hurts. Self harm is the only way for England’s footballers to repent for their appalling performances. Wayne Rooney should be banging his head against a brick wall, and Ashley Cole should be mutilating his foot until he can no longer walk on it.
As a role model for the country’s youth, Steven Gerrard should be living a near monastic life. How dare he go out and have sex with women? After his performances in South Africa, the very least Steven Gerrard could have done is give up his first-class ticket on the plane and hitch-hiked it back all the way through Africa, up through Spain, and then worked his way back on foot, taking jobs as he went picking fruit and vegetables or helping out communities build sheds and stuff.
To make it harder for Gerrard to get back, he should have one leg tied to John Terry’s right leg. And John Terry should be given anaesthetic so that Gerrard finds it even harder to lug the weight of a sex maniac up the continent of Africa. He should also be made to wear a t-shirt that says “cannibals come and eat me” so that the natives think he’s food. That would teach him.
On his return to England, after swimming the Channel, he should have carried a cross on his back all the way to Liverpool, where crowds would have greeted him with ritual abuse and rotten vegetables. Instead, what is he doing? He goes off in his five-star aeroplane, stays in a ten-star hotel with a SWIMMING POOL and JACUZZI, and starts having sex with women – a pleasure that should be well and truly off the menu for our under-performing footballers.
In fact, and I’m calling on all of womanhood here, we should be the ones who are proactively denying Steven Gerrard any female flesh. It’s well known that he’ll try to impregnate anything with two legs and long hair, so ladies – let’s get together and deny this libidinous lackey his lady loving until he starts winning trophies for England. And if he does come calling – and in fact, if any member of the England squad come calling – then give them a sharp knife, tell them to self-harm, and shut the door in their faces.
Disclaimer: Of course, this is not really Carol Vorderman writing for the Daily Shame. We’d never let the mathematics harpie anywhere near our editorial offices.
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steven gerrard didnt hav sex w any woman. Whoever said so?
if he had sex with his wife, so whats the matter with you? get a life! he already had his own
Fuck that bitch whoever she is! We are proud of our country going to the world cup and playing for the country. I feel sorry for british players because of people like these! The media fucks up everything and people like this bitch. That is why we will lose many of our players! Even from the premier legue just watch! In a couple of years fame and entertainment will be out of england due to the media and the british! btw To having sex is natuaral!
vordadadadan whatever ur name is get a life and read the truth for once in ur life shut the fuck up and mind ur own buisness u couldent even kick a ball if ur were instead of him
Who ever realy did write this garbage has no idea who stevie really is.
The real news rumour was he slept with his wifes sister. Well, Alex Curan has no sister. Some people believe anything that these low lifes tell them… It’s a joke.
Congratulations Samed! You have won The Daily Shame’s “Idiot of the Month” competition. In fact, you’ve also won “quote of the month” for this absolute beauty:
“to having sex is natural!”
Indeed it is, Samed. Indeed it is.
Ah sorry Hamid, second prize – I especially liked “u couldent even kick a ball if ur were instead of him”. Very good. Come back soon.
Wow! what an achivement!
The term hook, line and sinker has just been taken to new levels by Hamid and LFCFAN.
Are these commenters for real? How did they come across this site? I don’t what I’m more surprised at, the fact that they have fallen hook, line and sinker like Kieran says or that they don’t know who Carol Vorderman is!! Great post Daily Shame. Keep ‘em coming.