With an average of 70 students per job advertised, experts have warned that students need “a plummy accent and a dollop of nepotism” to get a job. Jobs For Toffs (JFT), the influential thinktank behind the report, said that “it has never been easier for a rich boy with a well-connected Dad”.

“These are great days if your Dad’s well-connected,” said Hugh Gorbals from JFT. “There are loads of students out there who think that a 2:1 is going to be enough – but it’s not. They think that they have to work hard, and they think they’re really going to have to slog. It’s all wrong. So our advice is – work on the accent and drop your Dad’s name in at every available opportunity.”

“In fact, never mind the CV – because recruiters are getting so many CVs these days, they can’t even be arsed to look at them properly. You might as well send them over a faxed copy of your arse with your name and telephone number on it, with a message saying ‘My Father’s loaded’ and Bob’s your uncle, you’ve got an interview. The whole recruitment game is changing, and it’s all about your old man these days.”

JFT today published its “Top Tips” for how to get a job in a competitive environment, which include:

• don’t worry about your appearance, just worry about sounding posh enough
• wear tweed if you can
• repeatedly refer everything back to your father’s giant estate and your huge inheritance
• relax – put your feet on the desk. After all, you probably own the place anyway, and if that is the case, remind the interview of the fact
• if asked about ‘targets’, guffaw loudly and ask if they mean financial ones – or ducks!
• if the interviewer has a scouse accent, try mimicking him. He’ll enjoy the banter.

Gorbals continued: “Remember, even if you have a 2:2, if you sound like Prince Harry, you’re quids in.”