The investigation into the network of Russian spies has revealed that the elaborate spy ring was “amazingly close” to cracking Grandma Mo’s secret recipe for pumpkin pie. The spies were arrested two weeks ago after Anna Chapman was caught in Grandma Mo’s kitchen with pumpkin pie dripping down her chin.

Grandma Mo’s pumpkin pie is known throughout New Jersey as the pumpkin pie that all pumpkin pie-makers aspire to make, but the 87-year-old refuses to divulge a single ingredient – not even the type of pumpkin she uses.

“The tradecraft has been astonishing”, admitted Head of US Intelligence, Dwayne Duckridge. “Dead letterboxes, invisible ink, decode yourself messages and a secret network of handlers – there’s no way of knowing quite how deep this goes. Of course, it goes without saying that Grandma Mo is in a state of shock – the Russkies were within a few ounces of cinnamon from discovering the entire secret recipe, which she’s held close to her chest for over 70 years now.”

“Moscow has been planning this raid for many years – the manner in which these spies have integrated society is extremely impressive,” added Duckridge. “But they slipped up. Mr Semenko raised the suspicions of several neighbours when he was seen helping Grandma Mo with her shopping, and diverted her attention while he rummaged through the bags.”

“Miss Chapman, however, was the weak link in the network. We have long had our suspicions that she was planning to steal Grandma Mo’s delicious, secret recipe – ever since our systems indicated she had twice googled the search phrase ‘what is Grandma Mo’s secret pumpkin pie recipe’. However, we didn’t act on it because we had other things to do at the time, and we’re sorry for that.”

It is believed that the pumpkin spy network stretched all across the US, with a secret code language known only to the network. Anna Chapman herself entered the US seven years ago, and amazingly found a job in a pumpkin farm close to Grandma Mo’s house within a couple of months of arriving. Farmer Joe told reporters that he “would never have known” Chapman was a Russian spy, saying “dang, she did have an unusually healthy interest in pumpkin varieties, but I just thought that she was enthusiastic. We do get enthusiastic people here on the farm, you know.”

Chapman then went on to work in a senior marketing role at a Pecan nut distributor in Louisiana, where colleages noted her “absolute dedication to pecan nuts”, adding “we’d never have thought it. Anna a spy? Dagnarnit!”

Richard and Cynthia Murphy’s home was turned into a pumpkin pie factory, with the entire basement converted into a conveyor belt of various pumpkin pies tested for similarity to Grandma Mo’s recipe. A crack team worked through the night to decode messages thought to be lists of ingredients and instructions on how to make the crumbly, slightly sweet pastry base. Neighbours said that couple were “very quiet, but generally lovely and part of the community,” adding that “maybe it was a little strange how they always had pumpkins delivered out of season.”

Russian President Dimitry Medvedev has said that the pumpkin pie incident will not sour burgeoning US-Russian ties, but President Obama has asked for Russia to apologise immediately, and to hand back any intelligence they have on the recipe, as well as the packet of allspice that he sent the Russian President as a birthday present.