Fox-hunting toffs have considered hanging up their horns and “packing it all in” after a raft of Daily Mail readers signed up for fox hunts. The mouth-frothing loons have allegedly “soured the atmosphere”, and left many toffs feeling that it’s no longer any fun.

“Fox hunting used to be great fun,” said Tabatha Nezbrun-Fesse, 3rd heir to the Duchy of Botox-on-the-Wold. “But all of a sudden, we got these ‘people’ signing up who were previously against fox hunting. You know, those oiks who used to turn up with their placards and wotnot. Thing is, they’re all frothing at the mouth and all gung-ho.”

“I saw one man tear a fox apart with his own teeth,” she continued. “And a group of women actually wanted to burn the fox alive in a sort of ritual. When you think about it, chasing a fox with hounds is actually quite humane when you compare it to how the Daily Mail readers treat them. Those poor foxes, they don’t know what’s coming, do they.”

Approximately 5000 people joined the Daily Mail’s campaign to “wipe foxes from the very face of this great country”, and vigilante groups have been seen in towns and cities scouring the streets for “the fox menace”. However, many have turned to countryside fox hunts as a way of venting their anger against the red threat.

“I hate them foxes,” seethed Dave Camionblanc from Billericay. “All of them. They’re worse than immigrants. If I see one, I’m going to tear its bloody limbs off, I tell you. That’s why I joined the East Sussex Fox Hunt Brigade. So basically, me and the lads, Quentin, Tarquin and Lord Farquah, we get on our horses – well, I have to borrow one – and we blow these horns. Actually, I don’t have a horn, so I just have to shout ‘die you bastard foxes die’ and we charge off into the fields to go killing foxes.”

“It’s the best,” he beamed. “The lads had to hold me back the other day. I found one and gave it a proper kicking.”

Fox groups have spoken out against the rising tide of Daily Mail-inspired vengeance against them. A Mr Brush from London told the Daily Shame that “in the old days, being torn apart by dogs was seen as the worst thing that could happen to a fox. But nowadays, it’s the people we’re scared of. Once upon a time, I used to regale people with jokes and laughter. Nowadays, I’ve got skinheads and women with three teeth and tattoos throwing eggs at me and chasing me down the road with a meat cleaver. I think even the dogs are feeling sorry for us.”