Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
David Cameron batted off accusations that his government was relying on product placement to fund its lavish lifestyle by creating two new cabinet positions: Chief Secretary for Tastiness and Minister for Total Satisfaction. The posts will be occupied by two of Cameron’s closest advisers, Ben and Jerry.
Israel has apologised after its intervention in last weekend’s Henley Regatta. Israeli stormtroopers boarded the Marlow Boys’ boat as it approached the finish line, and arrested four boys on suspicion of shipping ‘dirty bombs’ with an intention of destroying Israel.
With an average of 70 students per job advertised, experts have warned that students need “a plummy accent and a dollop of nepotism” to get a job. Jobs For Toffs (JFT), the influential thinktank behind the report, said that “it has never been easier for a rich boy with a well-connected Dad”.
Fox-hunting toffs have considered hanging up their horns and “packing it all in” after a raft of Daily Mail readers signed up for fox hunts. The mouth-frothing loons have allegedly “soured the atmosphere”, and left many toffs feeling that it’s no longer any fun.
Steven Gerrard makes me sick. How is it that a young man, paid by the truckload, thinks he can let down his country and then HAVE SEX? I for one think Steven Gerrard is an absolute disgrace, and he should be showing the country exactly how sorry he is by cutting himself with knives until it really hurts.
The investigation into the network of Russian spies has revealed that the elaborate spy ring was “amazingly close” to cracking Grandma Mo’s secret recipe for pumpkin pie. The spies were arrested two weeks ago after Anna Chapman was caught in Grandma Mo’s kitchen with pumpkin pie dripping down her chin.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
