Madcap French coach Raymond Domenech has revealed that his French side to face Uruguay in the World Cup this week was picked after an in-depth conversation with Hindu God Ganesha. The zany Indian God came to Domenech to warn him of the alignment his ascendent and Uranus, and the inherent dangers of picking Thierry Henry.

“Normally I use star signs,” admitted Domenech, “but I’d dozed off the other day after a particularly gruelling session with my runes, and this fella with the face of an elephant and loads of arms pops up, as if by magic. Well, I had to take notice. He kept saying to me ‘Raymond, you nonce, have you not noticed that your ascendent is in Uranus?’ Well, he seemed to find that very funny, but then went on the imply that because of this particular planetary alignment, I couldn’t select Thierry Henry.”

Domenech went on to explain that his entire team selection was guided by his conversation with Ganesha, who turns out to be quite a football enthusiast: “He told me that Franck Ribery must play due to the closeness to the summer solstice, and that Nicolas Anelka must start up front because his chakras are at their most aligned in June. However, I am somewhat bound by FIFA regulations, and I could not bring back Patrick Viera, despite his claims that he absolutely must play.”

However, it is the non-selection of Henry due to planetary influences that has caused the biggest stir. Henry himself is said to be “livid” at being made to sat on the bench, while fellow strike partner Djibril Cisse is said to be “confused” at being told he must play in goal due to being a Capricorn. Most of the French team refuse to partake in Domenech’s bizarre pre-match teamtalks which involve Buddhist chanting and readings of Tarot cards.

Ganesha told reporters yesterday that he was “only trying to be helpful”, adding “I’m Indian, so technically I’m neutral. But I’ve always had a soft spot for les bleus. So the other day, I thought I’d pop over to Raymond’s, have a chat, tell him what I thought. I’ve got some quite wacky ideas on how he can beat Uruguay, for example, by lighting some incense sticks in the middle of the pitch – that’ll stop Diego Forlan. Also, you can confuse their centre forwards by throwing rose petals in their pre-match cup of tea. See? Loads of good ideas. That’s why I’m a God.”