Cracks are already appearing in the fragile Lib-Con coalition, with some Liberal Democrat figures reporting anonymously that they have been “bullied” by senior Tories. One leading Liberal Democrat, who wished to remain unnamed, said that George Osborne was one of the main offenders, having chosen him as his “fag”.

He told an undercover reporter: “That first cabinet meeting was a sham for the cameras. The real one took place later, and Osborne kept rapping my knuckles with his ruler. When I complained to Nick and Dave, they just looked away as if nothing had happened. All of a sudden, I felt really lost and alienated, and quite frankly, I didn’t want to be Osborne’s fag. But it’s a coalition, and it’s new politics, so I’m told I have to shut up and put up with it.”

Others have complained about tough woman Theresa May. One Liberal Democrat minister said that May “regularly rounds up Lib Dems from the corridors of Whitehall, locks them in a room and makes them sing ‘we love Theresa May’.” The new Home Secretary has been seen on several occasions with her ear cupped to the door, listening to the strains of ‘we love Theresa May’, as well as screams of ‘it’s dark in here, can someone let us out’ and ‘I think I’ve peed myself’.

One Lib Dem spoke of their collective fear of the drunken Liam Fox, who allegedly stalks the corridors of Whitehall at night with a bottle of gin in one hand, and his “Lib Dem whipping stick” in the other, looking for liberals to hit. “He’s the one who everyone’s really scared of,” admitted a junior minister. “Even the Tories run scared of Fox. I just wish I were in the Labour party right now, they all seem like the happiest losers in the world, and we’re being pushed and bullied around. I want to cry.”

There is hope, however, for Lib Dems. Insiders say that whenever Vince Cable is present, the bullying stops, and Conservative ministers behave impeccably. Mr Cable, when confronted with these reports, said “I don’t believe a word of it. Ever since the coalition started, the Conservatives have been lovely. They speak into my good ear, they help me across the road – frankly, I don’t see what the problem is.”