Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville are embroiled in scandal after an undercover reporter overheard them laughing and poking fun at humans, calling us ‘two-eyed freaks’.
BBC presenter Louis Theroux will spend a week inside the head of London mayor Boris Johnson as part of his new series. The daring challenge represents “the most extreme experience yet” for Louis, who is “partly apprehensive, partly very excited” about the opportunity.
The Labour Party has announced that it will decide on its future drinks choice by June 2011. The “Beverage For a Socialist Future” report lays out a clear path for the Party’s choice between tea and coffee, while outlining potential alternatives for those still unsure.
Cracks are already appearing in the fragile Lib-Con coalition, with some Liberal Democrat figures reporting anonymously that they have been “bullied” by senior Tories.
Bosses at Halifax have been urged to keep Halifax Radio on the air by hundreds of dedicated fans. Devotees of the fake radio station have flooded the high street bank with pleas to make the “fun banking radio station” a permanent fixture.
The Liberal Democrats have extracted a major concession from the Conservatives which involves the party drastically reducing its William Hague footprint.
The ECB has rebuked its Twenty20 cricket squad for “un-English” behaviour at the Twenty20 World Cup in the Caribbean. Lord Petomaine, newly installed head of the ECB, claimed that the team’s constant refusal to lose matches was “an insult to the memory of one-day heroes such as Nasser Hussain, Ian Salisbury, Ian Austin and Derek Pringle.”
A cross-party inquiry has been demanded, to look into the Wyvern pub scandal which saw dozens of locals left without a drink after last orders were called. A line of thirsty boozers were left furious that they could not get their drink in before the pub shut.
Gordon Brown is seeking to resign as Prime Minister, but even the Queen does not want to talk to him, and has told sources at Buckingham Palace that “if that Scotsman calls, tell him I’m in Kenya or something. Anything so long as I don’t have to talk to him.” The monarch has even turned her mobile phone off, and has been avoiding the news for days.
The Lord has seized control of the United Kingdom, saying that even he has had enough of “all this indecision bollocks”. In an unprecedented move, the CEO of Christianity declared interim leadership of the UK, saying “you can have it back when you’ve sorted yourselves out”.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
