The world’s sycophants have come in for criticism over the death of South African racist Eugene Terreblanche. Many expected the World Institute of Sycophants to at the very least paint Terreblanche as a ‘decent man’, but have received only silence.

Former sycophant Dave Hohum-Jones said “In the good old days, people would have been coming out of the woodwork saying ‘good old Eugene, he was a great chap’ or ‘Hey, I remember when Eugene was young, we had such fun, he was a top bloke’, but so far, sycophants have been really quiet. I mean, just because he was a complete and utter cock doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t get the same treatment as every other twat when they die, does it? Where’s the illogical swaying of opinion? Where’s the toadying?”

“I mean, in my day, a sycophant was a sycophant. Now I’m not even sure what they stand for.”

Pete Blankface, head of the British Sycophants Party (BSP) refused to be drawn, saying “you’re not going to get me to say anything nice about Eugene, really you aren’t. A twat’s a twat, dead or not.”

However, sources within the BSP claim that plans had been drawn up for Terreblanche’s death. Sycophants were to be prepared with homilies such as “Eugene Terreblanche was a smashing chap, and all that white supremacy stuff was just a cover for what he loved most – the world’s children”, and “Eugene was a man of the people, and we thought he was cracking company, a great orator, and a really good cook.”

However, after several late-night meetings, the BSP agreed unanimously that despite being dead, there was absolutely nothing good whatsoever that could be said about the racist.