Researchers at the Paul Dacre Institute for Truth (PDIT) have discovered that Nick Clegg committed genocide with his own bare hands, laughing greedily as he plunged the knife into thousands of wide-eyed, innocent tax-payers on a small island in Papua New Guinea.

The horrific murder-spree by the Liberal Democrat Leader comes after revelations that he eats babies, runs grannies over in his car, and is in league with the Dark Lord Satan. Paul Dacre, head of PDIT, said “voters must know that Clegg is going to kill us all if they vote for him. If this man becomes Prime Minister, we would be Cambodia, and he would be Pol Pot. That’s how serious this is. Please, please, vote for David Cameron, because it’s the only way we’re going to live.”

“If you don’t vote Conservative, you’ll end up face down in the gutter with your blood running down the road,” he pleaded. “I see rivers of blood. I see Clegg, standing over us all with a machete, speaking in foreign tongues, because that’s what he does. I see Vince Cable, his evil henchman, taking your hard-earned money out of your wallets as you lie dying on the ground. That’s what will happen if you don’t vote Conservative.”

“This is a man who, on a visit to Papua New Guinea, expunged the entire population with his bare hands. He killed every single woman and child. All of them. Do you really want this man in charge of your country? We don’t!”

Daily Mail and Express readers, who, due to a quirk in the British voting system, are allowed to vote, have expressed shock at the news. Regular Express reader Bob Plumber said: “Well I never. Only last week I’d never heard of him – I didn’t even realise that there was a Liberal Democrat party! And then all of a sudden, here he is – my wife took a shine to him straight away. But it turns out that he’s a genocidal, baby-eating, granny-killing maniac – and what’s worse, he speaks foreign languages.”

“I’d never vote for anyone who can speak a foreign language. They’re more dangerous than Hitler,” he added, becoming more and more enraged. “I was going to vote for him until I found out that he has plans to cull about half of the population. I can’t thank my newspaper enough for telling me this vital information.”

PDIT’s pamphlet on “How You Can Stop the LibDem Menace” includes a raft of suggestions on how to protect your family should a Liberal Democrat government invade the country, including sealing £500 underneath a table, stocking up on cans and sealing windows with duct tape.