Nick Clegg eats babies
Senior researchers at the Murdoch Institute of Truth (MIT) have discovered that Nick Clegg eats babies in a satanic ritual as old as time itself. The Liberal Democrat leader, whose bounce in the polls is "nothing", according to MIT, also runs grannies over in his car, and stuffs money up his own arse.
Local man owed £5 by Greece
Shytte resident Barry Hawkwind is at the centre of a diplomatic storm, claiming that Greece still owes him £5 from last summer. The metal-grinding father of three claims that Greece approached him for the loan in July of last year, and has made "no effort whatsoever" to return the money.
Volcanic ash forces Britons to endure stay-at-home misery
Millions of Britons have endured their first weekend in their own country for months, with many claiming that they have been "driven mad" by the total absence of cheap flights and lack of short break activities. The continuing volcanic ash forced frequent travellers to experience Britain first-hand.
Sycophants remain silent over Terreblanche
The world's sycophants have come in for criticism over the death of South African racist Eugene Terreblanche. Many expected the World Institute of Sycophants to at the very least paint Terreblanche as a 'decent man', but have only received silence.
Christ splits from Catholic Church, artistic differences cited
In a shock announcement today, Jesus Christ, leader of over 150 million Catholic followers announced that he was leaving the Catholic Church. A press release, issued through his representative on Earth, Max Clifford, cited his reasons as “artistic differences”.
Crowds greet arrival of Circle Line train
A crowd of several thousand have greeted the arrival of the first Circle line train at Hammersmith, just 3 years after it departed Edgware Road. The excitement was at fever pitch as the train pulled in, and driver Harry Mulch waved at crowds, screaming "we've done it, we've done it", with tears in his eyes.
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In pictures: What was Gordon Brown writing during the election debate?
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal what Gordon Brown was writing while David Cameron and Nick Clegg were speaking during the election debates.
Brown attempts to woo Scottish voters by deep-frying remote island
Gordon Brown today attempted to revive Labour's chances of winning seats from the SNP in Scotland by unveiling an ambitious project to deep-fry the remote island of Skaaagh. The island, which has a population of just 3, will be coated in batter and then submerged in oil until it goes a golden brown colour.
God rebrands the Brussel Sprout
God today launched a glitzy marketing campaign to rebrand the humble, yet unpopular Brussel Sprout as the "Fun Sprout". The campaign, managed by advertising agency Saatchi and Saatchi, will involve a number of miracles and visions taking place in holy locations, as well as some more straightforward magazine and TV advertising.
Office manager annoyed that cleaner says hello to other people
Officer manager Neil Sutcliffe ended every day acknowledging a polite 'hello' from his office cleaner of three years. Today, however, he will not be making contact, nor any friendly gestures towards the cleaner after discovering that he was not alone in receiving the friendly interaction.
Record Fuel Prices Ground Election Battle Buses
An election-weary public received some good news last night as the record-breaking high cost of fuel has meant that the battle buses of all three major parties in the forthcoming UK general election have been suspended.
English fury as survey reveals that the French are better binge drinkers
French pride has been restored as a survey revealed that the French are better binge drinkers than the English. The survey, which follows hot on the heels of a previous survey which revealed the English as spending more time in the kitchen, shows that the French not only binge drink more, but they are higher...
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