Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
The Greek government has acted quickly to solve its debt crisis by announcing a National Debt Denial Scheme. The scheme has been designed by leading Greek economists, and will be implemented over the next month, with a target of 100% denial by the end of the year.
In an unprecedented situation, all three leaders have been declared winners of Thursday night’s election debate. The move comes as part of Labour’s initiative to extend the classroom “everyone’s a winner” attitude into politics.
The Daily Shame can exclusively reveal that the general election will be determined by a horse race and not by voters in polling stations. Our source at the Electoral Commission confirmed that just three horses will be allowed to compete in the election race on 6 May.
Britain’s bigots have blasted an elderly bigot for “not being bigoted enough” when speaking to Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The elderly woman apparently showed “promising signs of bigotry”, according to the British Bigots Association (BBA), but “not enough”.
The future of the Real IRA was thrown into turmoil last night when a new organisation, the Real Real IRA came forward and claimed that it really was the real real IRA
Friends of boffin Stephen Hawking have admitted that his Doctor Who marathon weekend was “probably not a good idea” and may have clouded his judgement
A furious Gordon Brown has layed into his female colleagues for not falling pregnant in time for the election. Shocked female MPs were left speechless by a foul-mouthed tirade from the Prime Minister, who allegedly told them to “get up the duff double quick or f-ck off out of my sight.”
Assmunches, Cocks and Tosspots around the US have been put on red alert after Jennifer Aniston announced that she was “back on the market” and “lookin’ for a complete shit of a fella”.
Primark has withdrawn its range of fishnet stockings for five-year-olds after a raft of complaints from angry parents. The budget clothes store also pulled its knee-high boots and Lady Gaga bras, apologising for any confusion.
An archaic “quirk” in the British voting system allows Daily Mail and Daily Express readers to vote in British elections. The alarming loophole has apparently always been in place, despite assurances to the contrary.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
