An influential Vegetarian think tank has called for bacon to be reclassified as a vegetable. The Vegetarian Action Group Influencing New Action (VAGINA), have called upon the government to act quickly.

“Every vegetarian knows that bacon is fine”, beamed Milton-Keynes 1066, head of VAGINA. “Some people say it comes from pigs, but we all know that bacon is grown from the earth, just like asparagus and potatoes, and maybe chicken stock too. It smells great, and we just want to taste it goddamnit, hand it over.”

A demonstration of well over 20 salivating vegetarians marched on Downing Street last week in an attempt to get Gordon Brown to overturn the ruling that bacon was indeed a “meat product” and came from swine. Factions within the group have been claiming that bacon should be legalised for vegetarians at least for medical use.

“Eating nut roast every day is fine, but when someone’s eating bacon across the table from you, the emotional damage that can be caused is huge. All we’re asking is for at least one slice to be made available to vegetarians for medicinal purposes,” moaned Alexandre Calind’arbre. “Or at the very least, for an extended period of research into the reaction of vegetarians against bacon. Oh come on, please?”

A number of vegetarian scientists have proposed “Morning Star Streaky Bacon” as a vegetarian bacon, which although it looks somewhat like bacon, tastes more like nut roast. “We’re not fooled”, claimed Calind’arbre. “Blindfold your average vegetarian, give ‘em fakon and they’ll more than likely vomit their guts up. We want the real stuff.”

Last month, government officials voted unanimously against reclassifying chicken as vegetarian, despite repeated pleas from chef Gordon Ramsey, who was last seen pelting vegetarians with slices of venison.

Strict vegetarians, though, have warned against the consequences: “Yes, we all crave a slice of the good stuff – who doesn’t”, opined Belinda duMarais of the Orthodox Vegetarian Union of London and Region (OVULAR). “But once you’ve tried bacon, once you’ve cleared that meaty, tasty hurdle, what’s next? Full-on pork? Beef? Bernard Matthews factory made turkey joints?”