A survey published today shows worrying signs for the British economy, as at least 40% of new graduates are planning to go abroad in search of greater slacking opportunities. The revelation comes as news that the job market is opening up, and many new graduates are afraid for their unemployment.

“I don’t see much slacking future here,” moaned 21-year-old Emo Jones. “Now that there’s jobs and everything, I reckon I’m going to go to Spain – they’re really good at lazing around and they have siestas and everything. That sounds like the kind of life I want to lead. If I stay here in the UK, I’ll probably wind up getting a job or something, and you know what that’s like. The French are good at slacking too, maybe I’ll go there. I’ll have to find out if my PS3 is compatible though. You reckon it is?”

Many are planning to move to Greece after overhearing on the news that the economy had completely “bummed out” and that jobs were likely to be at a premium. Luton University graduate Charlotte Mousetrap said that she planned to go to Athens seeking “greater slacking development opportunities”, adding that “a few years ago, you could really develop your slacking skills in the UK. I thought, what with the recession and all that, I might be able to apply myself, you know – dedicate myself to a life of just pissing around. Greece looks like the place to do that now – and it’s EU so I don’t need a visa. Ace.”

A whopping 70% of respondents thought that life in the UK would be “too hard”, with working hours often going beyond 15 hours a week, and 83% said that they were afraid their “styles would be cramped” by working in a business. 51% claimed that a Tory government would be “way strict”, and that their claim to reduce unemployment was “woaaah scary”.

Shytte University graduate Liam Spandex claimed that “under a Tory government, my game time on the Wii would be severely reduced. Basically, I’m looking around for opportunities to do as little as possible, and having a job would really harm that. Has David Cameron thought that far ahead? He’s not getting my vote, I’ll tell you that for nothing.”