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The Daily Shame | September 19, 2014

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Amy Winehouse regurgitates boyfriend, surprised

A visibly stunned Amy Winehouse yesterday left hospital after regurgitating her boyfriend, Norman Bullring-Smith. The singer claimed that she was surprised at the curious man in her vomit, but relieved that she had finally found him.

“It was a shock innit,” said Winehouse. “I mean, I hadn’t seen him for a couple of weeks and I just thought he’d gone off on one, you know. So in a way, I was kind of relieved that it was him.”

Bullring-Smith himself said that his two-week stay in Amy Winehouse’s stomach was “not ideal”, but added that “in hindsight, it was a great opportunity to get some peace and quiet – as well as plenty of booze, drugs and second-hand smoke. Well, maybe you could call it first-hand, if you know what I mean.”

“I forget how I ended up in there,” he said. “You know how it is with Amy – you have a bottle of vodka and the next morning, you wake up and think – hell, where am I? I was thinking that for a couple of days, but as the cocktails kept on flowing, I realised that there was only one place I could be. After a few days, I got a bit bored so I did some spring cleaning, and I think I could overhear Amy saying that she suddenly felt much better. So I guess you could say this whole sorry episode worked out well for both of us. I wish I’d taken a book, though.”

Doctors say that Ms Winehouse is in “tip top condition”, largely thanks to the ingenuity of Bullring-Smith. Gastric surgeon Ricardo Romford told the Daily Shame that “her boyfriend actually consumed most of the alcohol and drugs on her behalf before it could take any effect on her body. This sacrificial act, while not necessarily recommended, has probably been better than any fad diet or colonic irrigation.”

“In fact, we’d probably recommend that she ingest someone – I’m not saying it has to be her boyfriend – but anyone, really, for a couple of weeks every so often. I can’t speak for the health of the person ingested, but they do seem to act as a sponge, and as far as Ms Winehouse is concerned, that’s very helpful.”

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